So I finally did it. I made it down to 157. I remember saying that out loud and the pride I felt. I worked so hard and finally I was seeing the results. That was a month ago. Then I got busy and had less time to focus on me. I started having a cocktail lets just say every night just so I could feel relaxed. I had birthdays, gifts to buy, exams to take...the stress just kept mounting. My mood's have started to change and my lack of motivation was apparent.
I stepped on the scale and all I could yell was "what the hell" as tears streamed down my face. I have been running, doing insanity, eating better and I had not drank in a week. As I stood on the scale 162.4 was the only numbers in the world that could make me want to throw up. That was a wall I had all ready past right??
I texted my best friend because I knew she would make me feel better, and she did. She said do what you always tell me to do. "just keep trying" is a motto I swear I live by. I hate giving up and giving in but when it comes to my body I have never conquered the battle.
I sat on the edge of my bed alone, crying, and feeling ashamed of my body. Then it hit me. Fat is winning the battle, 162.4 is winning the battle, that california club I ate is winning the battle. However; I could win the war. I am going to quit being a baby and crying about a number that currently I can not change and focus on the things that I can do.
I can create motivation. I signed up for a local mudrun.
I can keep going. I have been training and recently ran my best mile ever.
I can treat my body like a temple. Putting things that are healthy in my body.
I can appreciate every curve that I own. I recently did a lingerie photo shoot where I feel like I looked amazing. I still love looking at the pictures. When I do look at them I know that my body all though not perfect is something to be proud of.
I know that if I am having frustrations with weight loss that some of the people that read this do to. Please keep trying. The worst thing that could happen is you fail, but if you keep trying there is always the possibilty that you could succeed.
Amen to that! Never give up! Don't focus on that number.
ReplyDeleteI will tell you that seeing how far you have come, the motivational words you say and your constant perseverance is what is motivating me. Keep your head up...sometimes you can't look at the scale. It is about what you look like!! When I was a size 3, I was 163!! Nobody would have EVER thought!! You look hot mama:)
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