Simple day on April 29th

I actually got to sleep in this morning. I was good to a BFF last night and requested they get some sleep all though I really wanted to talk. Instead of talking I put this crazy brain I have to work on studying. When I looked at my watch and it said 3 AM I knew it was time to hit the bed. I got lucky when the in laws said they would take the girls to church. I honestly thought I would be lazy but then a sudden urge hit me to get out of bed and clean my mess of room. Laundry, dishes, bathroom, and bedroom all got done. YAY! I watched the new transformers movie which was awesome. I get so into movies like that. We went to town and got some milk and burritos and chowed down on the backroads home. As I was stuffing my flipping face I realized I knew why I had that crazy feeling I was gaining weight...I WAS!! I have worked so hard and for the past month I have been stuffing my face with sugar. Constant Sugar. Gummy bears, sour worms, sodas, ice cream, cookies, reese's, snickers, and an over abundance of chocolate milk. A little over a week ago I had given myself 30 days to figure my shit out and start dropping this weight that I had gained. I know I gained because when I weighed....do do do do do do do (jeopardy music!)...I gained 10 pounds...it took me so long to get all that off why the fuck am I ruining all the hard work I am doing. I stare of at all these hard bodies on pinterest all day long. Pin all these insane workouts...hell I do insane workouts. My minimum run is 4 miles and I have been reaching 8. This past week however I stepped wrong off some gravel when a car was dusting me out and over extended my calf. It hurt so bad. I tried to run on it the next day thinking it would be no big deal and I did not make it very far. That alone caused me not to run for 3 days. I did get to go bike riding for a very brief time. My eating however is out of hand and now I am starting to lose my motivation. If it was not for a bet I have had with a co-workerI dont know that I would be working out at all. Sooo now I have 21 days to go. Tomorrow is a brand new day and a chance to renew my promise to myself. Because of my calf I can not go balls in to running my minimum everyday so I think I will start doing to weights and other fun stuff. I want to bring fun back into my workouts. I LOVE feeling like a beast and doing things that I dont feel the average girl would even attempt to do. Yeah a tiny little girl with a 6 pack has a 6 pack but can she do 30 minutes of tractor tire flips and log throws, run 5 miles, do 100 kettle bell swings, 100 medicine ball tosses and 100 squat thrusts in the same workout. Hmmmm I am thinking not likely unless they are a fellow badass. I can say that for the first time in a long time I am really happy. I mean REALLY REALLY happy. The smile on my face is for the most part constant. I have everything. I have amazing family and friends, my daughters are amazing (K told R today that jesus was dying because he would not take her outside to swing....HILARIOUS), I have a job and am doing great in school. Speaking of school I made a 100 on my exam today!! I finished my Anatomy review so I can start studying like crazy and then friday and sunday are my final exams...almost done for the summer...another YAY!!

My plan....Tomorrow I am going to wake up and embrace my inner badass. I am going to go to work and rock it while hopefully making some money. I am going to go to the gym and put all my frustrations out there. It needs to be okay for me to let it all out somewhere and I dont know a better place. People think that when they tell me to put it all out there that it is what I do....the things I keep in tear me down. I over think and I over worry about everything in my life. When I workout I feel like I can breath and for a second all that hurt, pain, sadness, or whatever melts away and I have hope and excitement that somehow everything will workout.

slight update

Can I just start this by saying my life has been absolute banana's since my last post on Feb 20th. Let me start this off with school. This is probably the most I have ever applied myself EVER in school. Everything just kind of clicked into place. I had an amazing support system this semester with my family and friends telling me everyday that I am a rockstar and I have this. I applied for the surgical tech program and took the test on March 30th. I actually got an amazing score of 93. Even with that high score I am not taking any chances and preparing to retest on June 5th. I also have to take my CPR certification class again because mine expired. I have all my shots records ready to go and all that remains is a physical and flu shot. I am totally and 100% prepared to take this on and do the best that I can do.

Family life has been crazy. I stay up until 1-2 AM studying, sleep in until about 8:30 sometimes 9 if I am lucky, get up and get emma out of bed and start getting ready for work. When I get home from work I try and workout and run a few miles. I shower and start to hang out with the family. Money has been crazy tight so we have been making the best of staying home. On the weekends I try and see my friends, hang out...ohhhh I forgot to mention. I QUIT DRINKING!! I am on day 15. I have been trying to do this for a while but just now found the inner determination that I needed. I have been keeping a journal since I have not had the time to really get on the computer and it has helped me through this crazy thought process known as thinking.

update more later!!