Today 2/20

So today me and ray started this cleanse. It lasted 4 hours. The shake I had to drink was beyond disgusting.i was supposed to snack on cucumbers (which i hate). Instead I ate two burger bites with no bun with a tad of ranch on it. Then I ate a chicken salad with tortilla strips, mix cheese, bacon, and avocado ranch. I came home feeling defeated by food. I then shared my daughters box of chocolates with them. Today will not be a total bust if I can do good at dinner. I have my workouts set out but tonight is a homework night and a rest day. I am hoping tomorrow is better. We also took our weight, measurements, and before pictures this morning. Hopefully in 30 days we will have some noticeable changes.

It takes one second

It takes one second. One second to make a choice that could change your life. The choice you make does not just challenge you, but it challenges everyone around you to accept the choice you have made. This is true in EVERY aspect of your life. From the time I get up to the time I rest my head its a constant. The trouble with this is the being unsure.

A very short time ago I made a decision in my marriage. It was hard. I knew if I stayed and dealt with the troubles I had always dealt with that I would eventually be broken down. What kind of mom could I possibly be if everyday my kids saw their mommy dealing with the constant bull shit that had been feed to her. I needed to be strong when I was dying inside. Separation is a huge word. It means the life as a married couple is spliting. Kids, bills, furniture....everything. I was not ready for the kind of separation but I knew for things to get better I had to step back. I was so lucky that me even saying that is what I wanted immediately started to change my life. I was sooooo lucky to have a few VERY supportive friends and family that rallied behind me. Many nights talking, I changed my mind every single day what I really wanted. I have all ready mentioned that I am an emotional eater so you can only imagine the havoc I created on my body. This weekend Me and R attended Marriage On The Rock. It was amazing. Every word at this seminar spoke to us. We held hands, got lost, laughed, kissed, experienced a completely new place, and had some alone time that we had so very much needed. I bought some jeans, we ate at new places, and I got to jump on the bed like a little kid. Friday night was the end of that nasty little S word (separation). Being focused on restoring my marriage has been fun.

Now its time to restore my body. Every choice I make is important. Its valentines day so the candy I have consumed has been astronomical. Tomorrow is a new day. I am praying for a balanced and productive day.

Out of anger

I am totally writing this because I am soooo mad at myself. Let me start at the beginning. I am going through some marital issues and have decided I am taking this time to figure me out. In that process I find myself waiting by the phone for a text, not sleeping, eating a lot then not eating, and drinking a lot. The amount I drank last night could have knocked a grown man out but let me give you an idea. 2 double patron, 1 single patron, jäger bomb, tall beer, presidente, el niño, and two other fruit drinks. I could barely speak. I hate myself for doing that. I know better. This is not even close To the person I want to be. Why am I doing this. I am tired of waiting by my phone...that's not living life. I had plans...no way I am going to be all talk. The drinking HAS to stop I don't have an option if I want to get where I want mentally and physically. I am ready to kill it in the gym I just need or want something to look forward to as motivation. So tonight I am going to find that motivation. Out with the old in with the new.