Emotional eating

Today was one of those days where I needed some therapy. Let's start when i was younger....whenever I had an issue that I tried to discuss it was labeled as "why are you being dramatic" or "she is always trying to start something" when I really wanted to scream "Shut the HELL up and listen to what I am telling you" I kept my mouth open long enough to defend myself and then left it alone. I would eat anything I could get my hands on. Knowing I had so much inside that bothered me, and knowing that I could not share it tore me up inside. To this day I am "not allowed" to display my inner feelings in the fear of "being dramatic".I shut down when I am upset. So I just do not talk to the people that have meant the most to me to avoid conflict. Again I eat. When I was younger I had something terrible happen to me. Thinking it was my fault I held in that something terrible for two years. Again I ate. When my family fell apart, and my new family merged I felt like in order for someone to pay attention to 1 of 7 kids I had to be bad (being good never got me anywhere. No I love you, or I am proud of you). It worked and I was grounded for most of my middle and high school career. I ate then to. Again for the sake of not being dramatic I to this day keep any ill feelings for certain people to myself for the sake of family and friends. Let me be clear. I LOVE MY FAMILY. Whats left of it that is. Gradually I am cutting out the people that cause me the most pain, stress, and those who make me feel like I am not loved. Today at a very emotional point for me I wanted to gulp down a triple meat cheese burger from whataburger with a large Dr pepper and french fries. Instead I went to the gym for a little refresher. I am still sad, but I am learning that eating is not something that is going to make me feel better, and by emotionally eating the only person I am hurting is me.

Love is a two way street, phones work both ways, and in any relationship there needs to be effort on both sides, or the relationship will cease to exsist. But maybe that is what some people want. And with out having to say a word two people that loved (family or friend) each other so much will never speak again because neither side wants to be the first to give in.

I never want to give in, and I always want to be right even when I know I am wrong.I am so lucky to have a husband that push's past my barriers and breaks me down so I can release my inner pain.

I know it sounds lame but when I am super upset I write everything down. I just want to get it out there and off my mind. It works sometimes. I don't know if anyone out there has serious issues, but if you do please know that you are not alone.

It has been a few days and today i just felt compelled to share. Monday I weighed in only to discover I had gained more weight. 161.0 screamed from the scale. All I could think was I did all this hard work for freakin nothing. I decided to be sad for myself for about a minute and move on. It was another day and a day that I could make things right. I ate really well. I counted every single calorie that went into my mouth. I finally went back to the gym again. I lifted weights and did some elliptical/treadmill mix ups. Tuesday morning i got on the scale and BAM 1 pound down....YAY....same routine tuesday and to reward myself for starting over I purchased a month long tanning membership. Wednesday I got up and POW 1.2 pounds down...double yay...Then Thursday. I just knew that my weight loss would have to slow down 157.8 flashs across the scale. I get off and back on the scale just to be sure....157.8 again...In four days I have lost 3.2 pounds. Not with some fad diet, book, or something random somebody told me to do. This was good ole fashioned HARD work. I sweated my heart out and did not eat the alfredo pasta my mouth watered for.

I share this with everyone not because I am comfortable sharing my size (because I am not), but to let everyone I know see that I am not using a gimmick and I am really trying. I love the encouragement I get from my family and friends. With out all of you I could not keep going!!

Something Amazing Happened/Lingerie Photo Shoot

For as long as I could remember I had been a size 14. I was comfortable. I had big tshirts, baggy jeans. I hid my weight well. When I was told my weight was why I may have kept having a miscarry I decided it was time to drop some pounds. I never weighed myself in high school but i was pretty consistant in size. I wore 11/13 and size 10 and 12. Before I got pregnant with my beautiful Kylie I reached 162. That's right (gasp) I just revealed my weight and pant sizes!!! After I had Emma last march I slowly but surely worked off the weight, but always returned to food when my stress levels were high. I decided that is not how I wanted to live my life anymore. I started working out and eating right. These past two weeks I did miserable. A month ago I decided to go and try on jeans at dillards and sadly nothing fit me the way I wanted it to.

Here is the Amazing thing. I did not give up a month ago and decided today to go back and try on some pants again. I went to American Eagle and the Buckle and drum roll please....I am now a size 10!!! Hello again Freshman year in high school.

What is keeping me motivated to keep going?? I decided to book one of those sexy lingerie shots...I have stretch marks every where I assure you, but the lady assured me she would wipe those away. I want to bring my sexy back. This kind of thing makes me want to try and look hot..It is more for me then my husband, but if anyone needs motivation I assure you this will do it for you. Baring all in front of a camera scares the crap out of me, but I know that in the process I will be falling in love with myself all over again!!

And the Winner is........

14 entries went into a bucket and 1 name came out. I had a witness also!!! I just want to say thank you to all my friends and family that are supporting me with this blog thing. I love it and hope to have more followers and giveaways soon!!

With that being said, the winner is.........

Sara Reed Lambert!!!

Cookies in a jar

For those who came to Kylie's birthday or have seen pictures you would know I made chef kylie cookie mix in jars as favors. It was wonderful idea and super fun to recreate in my own way. Check it out!! It is good for baby showers as well. Have fun creating.

http://www.bakerella.com/mix-things-up/

Feel Sexy Giveaway

I was talking to one of my friends today and she said,"Lucy, I have lost all this weight and I still do not feel sexy". I remembered this feeling all to well. When I lost 80 pounds I saw what my baby had left behind of my body. I picked my saggy body parts off the ground and started doing different things to make me feel sexy. I bought DVD's, books, sexy underwear...I did it all. The amazing thing is once I started having fun with it I really did feel sexier. I want to share the wealth of sexy-ness with all my friends and family. So here is my first giveaway.

There are 2 ways to enter.

1. Become a follower of this blog
2. Leave a comment telling me and everyone else what makes you feel sexy.

The giveaway you have 2 options to pick from:

1.Carmen Electra's Strip to fitness collection. (lap dance, strip tease...!)
2. Look Better Naked Book and workout DVD. (Diet, Exercise and some get in touch with your body stuff!!)

I personally have all these items so I know how well they work!!
GOOD LUCK

DRAWING ENDS SUNDAY NIGHT AND WINNER WILL BE ANNOUNCED MONDAY.

Tight Bod with a Pod

If you are pregnant or had your baby and are looking to get in shape this is a great site. This site gives recipes tips, mommy tips, giveaways galore (they gave away a washer and dryer not to long ago). They also have workouts that get your body going but do not put to much strain on that new mommy body. I am an absolute follower of this and would suggest it to anyone!

http://www.tightbodwithapod.com/

Tuesday Delight

After my delightfully sinful valentines I grimaced the fact that the scale looked so pleased at my defeat. I stepped onto the scale thinking the worst. To my surprise I LOST 1.2 pounds!!! It totally motivated me for the day. I went to work knowing that NOTHING could bring me down. I got off work and it felt wonderful outside. I was going to go to the gym but then decided I was going to take a run. I got home and went on the best country run. My Ipod kicked my butt and eminem rocked my socks off. I felt so good that when I got home I took my kids outside as well. I had the best day. I felt wonderful, and accomplished.

I finally feel like I am looking sexy again. My arms have a little definition, my legs look skinner. My skinny jeans fit when I get them out of the dryer. Everyday my diet is getting better and so is my exercise routine. Sometimes you just have to change it up to see a difference.

GET CREATIVE AND YOU WILL SEE RESULTS!

Valentines Day

Got up this morning and weighed...2 pounds up....I basically gained the two pounds back I had lost. I started the day off great by eating healthy. I went to work and walked my little butt off. I got off and instead of going to the gym I came home to the husband. I ate a lean cuisine for lunch, and then did some homework. Then the downfall came....cajun food and chocolate. I am a sucker for both. So I again ended the day not in failure, but with enlightenment. I know what I did wrong in my journey and know what to do tomorrow to fix it! I hope you guys are having better luck!

Tomorrow is another day

I spent the past few hours feeling like I did not accomplish anything. I did not work out, I did not eat well, I did not do all the homework I wanted to....What have I done?? Then I remembered I have two kids! For those who read that struggle with weight like me just know tomorrow is another day. I can do whatever I want tomorrow, and all that I did today will not matter.

For the record I want to lose another 10 pounds by March 12...I am going to hit it hard tomorrow!!! Stay tuned for my update tomorrow!!

WOW I am so sorry

So I am going through all my favorite sites finding tutorials for all my friends and family since everyone is always asking how I do stuff. I took a closer look at one of the sites I have so far posted the most of, and I discovered they have a permissions statement. I had never seen one I guess and did not know to look for one....Sooooo now I know. If you soon see that the posts I have made from House of Smiths are gone, know that they were not happy with me not getting permission first. For that I am sorry. Please go check the page out for yourself she has some awesome tutorials up. I have the button on my site. I am taking this blog and trying to learn everything I can. I know I will make mistakes, but I will try hard to right those. I have sent an email of apology to these people and hopes that they forgive, and understand. And I would never try to pass their work off as my own. Thanks.

Napkin Flower

Now I have done some huge ones with tissue paper, and for the record this is not how you make those. This is a super cute idea for parties, or if you are just wanting to decorate for the holidays.

http://houseofsmiths.blogspot.com/2010/11/napkin-snowball-craft.html

Fabric Flower

I made one of these with out the tutorial and it was rough. Then I stumbled upon this and was totally kicking myself for not finding it sooner. Again I want to hook everyone I know up with the knowledge to make them yourself. So here is the tutorial!!

http://houseofsmiths.blogspot.com/2010/09/fabric-flower-tutorial.html

Layered Flower

I have always wanted to know how to make these to sell in Cupcakes and Bumble Bee's, and I found this really awesome tutorial on House of Smiths. She made it look super easy and since I love my friends and family I wanted to share the tutorial so you guys can quit spending TONS of money on etsy!!

http://houseofsmiths.blogspot.com/2010/05/layered-flower-tutorial.html

Sweet candy baby shower game

I love this game. It is super cute and fun for everyone to play. If you need a Baby Shower game this is a good one!!

http://houseofsmiths.blogspot.com/2010/07/candy-game-printables.html

I really wish I could figure all this out...

Quesadilla Bar

In my quest to eat healthy, and feel full, I have decided to make a mini quesadilla bar for dinner.

Whole wheat tortillas

Fat free shredded cheese (Mozz. and Blended)

Fajita chicken

Salsa

100 calorie guacamole

Bell peppers

onion

pico
light Sour cream
Shredded spinach

mushrooms

corn

black beans

rice

all made in my famous Quesadilla maker!!

Emotional and eating.

I will not give details but friday I woke up and weighed. I was delighted that in one week I had indeed lost 1 pound. I really thought I worked harder then that? One of my really good friends has fallen upon hard times, so I emotionally fell upon hard times as well by eating a dozen chocolate chip cookies alone. What can I say? Saturday morning I woke up and was just curious at the damage I had done to my body. I bared all, and stood on the scale....BAM another pound lost......Are you serious??? I got off the scale and back on two more times. The scale number stayed constant, and I again had lost another pound by eating cookies?. To celebrate me and my little family decided to have mexican food for lunch and go to the park. I then decided to have some valentines candy, totinos pizza, chicken, oh yeah a few beers were thrown in the mix as well. I woke up this morning so mad at myself. I started cleaning, and doing homework in hopes that I would negate some of the damage I had done. Then I knew it was time. I got into my birthday suit, stepped on the extremely cold scale, and looked down. Hello pound. I missed you so much that I decided I had to have you back. Maybe I can let you go tomorrow!!!

Cake

http://onecharmingparty.com/2010/09/14/art-gallery-party-rainbow-cake/

Super fun cake fun for any occasion!

Cookies and Cream Cupcakes

http://annies-eats.net/2010/06/02/cookies-and-cream-cupcakes/

Super Delicious cupcakes I made for a little party. Everyone loved them, and LOVED that there is an Oreo at the bottom. The oreo did make for a nice surprise!!

New to this!!

So I am completely new to this process, and am super nervous. I will start from the beginning, and the reason I am doing this blog. I have always been the big girl (in my mind). When all my friends were size 2 and 4's I was an 8 or 10. Gradually as time progressed so did my weight. I had three miscarriages and finally the doctor told me that my weight could be a factor. Hell bent and determined I lost 20 pounds and BAM....baby in the oven. I was terrified that I would lose this gift from god, so your guessed it, I put on 80 pounds. You read that right 80. After I had Kylie I really wanted to be healthy for her but my heart was not 100% into losing the weight. I went to Old Navy and broke down in tears when I tried on the biggest pair of pants they had and they fit. Again I was determined I was going to lose the weight, and I did. Then BAM, I was pregnant again. This time I looked out for myself and gained a moderate amount of weight. I really wanted to remain healthy, but I also wanted to learn as much as I could to help my friends and family. At this point I became a personal trainer, and really discovered how much work it took to be healthy and how much my friends and family would fight me on it. In my quest to be healthy I discovered that I loved to cook. I loved trying new recipes, and looking at everyones faces as they tried the foods I had slaved over. I also loved to bake (all though not healthy).

On a side note, I lOVE crafting. I love party sites and anything I can learn to do myself. I love people asking me how to make stuff and asking for pointers. I love trying new things even if I am terrible at it.

That brings me to WHY I am writing this blog. Friends, family, and fellow teachers and students told me I have a nac for sharing information. It has never really been about money. I just really enjoy helping people, or watching them enjoy the things I have created. I also have had a long struggle with weight and have tried EVERYTHING to lose those pounds. I have really bad days and really funny days. I have victories and I have felt my fair share of failure. I was encouraged to do this to find my voice, and share my ideas and experiences with anyone and everyone that will read.

So please read! If you have questions please ask, suggestions then share, comments, and anything and everything is welcome!!