If I have said it once I have said it 100 times....

So I did not weigh this morning. I tried to act like I forgot but we all know that I did not. I weighed Friday morning after sushi and mexican and I was at my lowest weight to date. However I had a family christmas this weekend and ate HORRIBLE. Actually horrible is probably an understatement.

I had started this plan called Jamie Eason 12 week trainer. I was super excited about it. Lifting weights 4 days a week was the easy part. The hard part was the clean eating and eating 6 times a day. I spent a whopping 170.00 on supplements, protein powder, and food. The food lasted me a whole 6 days. The sad thing was I LOVED it. I loved how it made me feel, how in control I was, I felt sexy and strong. I even noticed a spike in my sex drive. Minus the fact that work had been crazy bad and I was trying to reach my high money goal. I was stressed about christmas. I did not have the best christmas's as a child all though I like to think my parents really tried. I know I very seldom got things I really wanted and asked for so I decided that my kids would get the things they asked for and oh did they. My daughter K's list is complete minus the Dora kitchen because she all ready has a princess kitchen. E got a minnie mouse shopping cart which she absolutely loves (they opened a gift early at this weekends family christmas). K opened her princess scooter which she practically sleeps with. They also got a trampoline, E got a princess 6v ride on toy, and an aquadoodle. K got an Mermaid Salon with all the little add ons, skates with pads, and we got her a princess barbie house for her birthday. I just did not feel like that was enough for them to open. Seriously I have been thinking about this hardcore. Sitting here googling toysrus and target I realized that I wanted to do something that started new traditions, something that we could do together as a family that would encourage them to learn. So I am getting them mine and ray's favorite child hood books and movies. We have family nights and watch movies together so I bought lion King and am going to buy Kung fu panda 2 tomorrow. I would love to get beauty and the Beast as well. The books I am going to get are "If you give a mouse a cookie" and "The Very Hungry Catepillar" and whatever else pops up that reminds me of my childhood. Hopefully we can all sit down and read together.

Moving on to my diet and exercise. I ate really bad. I did not complete my 4 workouts. I am starting to train for a half marathon. I did eat great today considering what I have been eating. So I am just going to take this journey one day at a time for now...work harder every day to get my body where I want it.

Another tidbit of great news....E teeteed in the potty for the first time!! I was so proud. K is in the church drama and I got to see her play an angel which was double amazing!!

I am cherishing life right now.

Perspective

I watched a true story movie today about a family fighting to save their two year old from leukemia. They were at st. Jude's hospital. These kids had to deal with real life problems. They knew words that the shouldn't like remission, blood level counts, and experimental drugs. The one little girl in the movie touched my soul when she talked about heaven and knowing god. How brave of that child. I cried as I watched a mother lose her baby. The great part about this movie is it restores your faith in human beings. Strangers, neighbors, friends, and family came together to support this family. It also teachs to cherish every moment you have with your children, spouse, and other loved ones. It's easy to get caught up in life but you have to take time to enjoy the little things. I personally have let life start getting in my way of just enjoying myself. The little boys name was Dax and I believe the movie is called the heart of Christmas or something along those lines. Watch it If you get a chance. One thing I did enjoy this weekend is food, family, and getting to see my daughter in the church play. I was so proud of her in every step she took across stage. Emma just brightens my day with a simple smile and ray is the most amazing husband. He goes above and beyond for me. Enjoy you family while you can.

Running into an ex...

I HATE running into an ex. I have been very lucky. I dont live in the town that any of my ex's live in. Most of my break-ups have gone great and we have remained friends that eventually lost touch. Some will know who I am talking about and some wont. The most important ex's in my life I have ran into in the last year. F was one that I dated off and on through high school while I off and on dated B. When I moved to valley view we lost touch for a really long time until he showed up at a VV party that all of my friends were at. He asked about me and they forked over my number. We started hanging out again but he had a crazy ex girlfriend that you could tell he was not exactly over. I didnt have time for that so I left him alone. A few years later we found each other again on myspace. We started chatting. I was married. I had an awesome friend S though that I set him up with and now they are happily married. I was actually in the wedding but afterwards we lost touch again. I am not sure why. When I run into them I feel awkward. I don't know what to say not that there is anything really to say anyways.

Then there is T. I dated him when me and ray were split. I needed some fun in my life. He was older not looking for anything and that was perfect for me. I guess he is not technically and ex but he was my FWB for a while...we partied together, shared secrets, and he listened to me while I cried about my loved lost. He was exactly what I needed when I needed it. I ran into him a while back at a salon. He thought I worked there and asked about a massage. I turned around and realized that it was T...I just stood there and acted like I didn't know him. I did not know what to do. After I was done playing stupid I found out that he now has a beautiful girl and is married now. I am so glad that he is doing well.

Then there was a stupid night at applebees...I always run into my ex's at applebees when I have been drinking all day. Long story short I was drinking at Lucky lou's. Saw girls flirting with my husband and was taking shots left and right. I am a jealous person. Not because I don't trust my husband but because I dont trust girls. Woman in nature will do what ever it takes to get what they want. We lie, cheat, steal, whatever we need to do. It's like being a mother. If someone is mean to my baby...let's just say I would make their life intolerable. Back to the story I was supposed to make short...We decided drinks were cheaper at applebees and moved the party. I am sitting down laughing my ass off when I see B. Again I am extremely drunk and still play like I am stupid and never saw him...or like I forgot him if that would even be possible. He was my entire middle school and partial high school life...whenever someone happened with me and whoever I was with I ran to him...we would work for a little while but in the end it always ended badly for me. He was the guy that cheated on you on your birthday and forgot it was your birthday (that actually happened)...When I left the bar I was like "oh hey there. Nice seeing you." with this awkward hand shake hug kinda thing. He is happily married I think with kids. I have not really spoken to him since I wished him a happy marriage.

It's never hard for me and I have to admit that I do wonder from time to time what has happened to my ex's. When I see old pictures or smell a random smell, sometimes a movie makes me think of them. I wish them all nothing but the best. Hopefully next time I run into one of them I will not act like a DA.

This will be a long one

So much going on in my mind and I just really need an outlet.

One of my greatest friends right now is going through something extremely terrible. A "boy" she put two years of her life into (who cheated and pushed her away) is now engaged to someone he has known for 6 months. The break up was really hard for her and this guy has balls enough to come into chili's and pick fights with her about her awesome new haircut. I was the same way only I was a teenager losing my high school love (which is my husband). I felt crushed from the inside out. I faked my way through conversations and acted like I was okay and moving on. I never moved on. I always had hope that one day we would be back together. When I saw him it crushed me. I would cry for days, binge drink and eat, escape away with my FWB...basically do anything unhealthy to numb the pain. Everything any guy had done to me before then had seemed meaningless. When she told me last night that she had found out he had gotten engaged I could not help but feel this guy should be hit by a BIG truck.

Of course before that I was throwing my own pity party because I had seriously lost all motivation for myself and had gotten completely stressed out about christmas. I know this time of year is coming EVERY single year and yet I never prepare. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to give and even more so to the ones that I love and care about. My mind out spends my budget though. Not to mention the people that are renting out house from what I gather have decided not to renew their lease and I am terrified that they are going to skip out on rent which makes me scared I will have to use our christmas money to pay the. I hate renting that house with a passion. I hate having to rely on strangers to do the right thing and pay rent. One day I know I will get screwed over. That is the nature of the renting beast. My kids asked for a few things for christmas this year and I want to make sure to get most of the things on the list. The list was 10 things. E is to young to make a list so K did..on there was

1. A trampoline
2. ariel salon with accesories
3. scooter with chalk
4. roller skates with pads
5.Princess Barbie house
6. Princess Dolls
7. Dress up
8. Makeup for her salon
9. Emma a 4 wheeler
10. Emma a shopping cart

we have gotten 2,8,9,10 and by black friday we will have gotten 1 and possibly the princess barbies. Some of these items will be saved for kylie's birthday which is just 2 weeks after christmas. SO MUCH STUFF AND NOT ENOUGH MONEY. So for the next 5 weeks we will be living on a strict budget so I can live debt free in January!

As for the working out...I lost faith and motivation in the process. I like to think I have a good support system at home but reality is...we all eat terrible and there are only two people in this house that have a high chance of workingout. I dont have a neighbor that says hey lets go for a run together. I wish my SIL was like that but she is really busy with her life and I get it. I can not rely on someone else to motivate me into doing the work. I have to want it. I forgot the whole reason I started this journey in the first place. It was for my kids. I wanted to be a good role model and show them that being active can always have positive results. I do not want them to ever have the weight issues I had growing up. So not that today is day one but I am choosing to step back from all the madness take a deep breath and start the day off right and positive.

So I am counting my calories. I took the girls on a mile walk...yes E and K walked an entire mile. I was so proud of them. Every bird chirping and leaf falling was pure bliss. We enjoyed the nature walk. This is what everyday should be like.

Well now that I am re-motivated, vented about my money/christmas issues, and vented over my distress for my friend I think I can live the rest of the day with a free mind.

Have a great day everyone!

It will be a great day

Apparently that 7 days I went with out working out was much needed!!

My weight this morning is..149.6!!

I dont even remember the last time I was this weight so I am more then excited. I lost 1.6 pounds over the week. Only 4.6 to go!

Am I kidding myself

My fingers gently caress the wrinkles in my forehead as tears stream down my cheeks into my palms, down my wrists and forearms, into the crease of my elbow, making it's final resting place my jeans. I am not talking. I am still. Trying to keep my husband from Hearing my sobs I try to breathe. Why do I perform this act of self sabotage EVERY time?

Just days ago I proclaimed this weeks butt kicking. I felt strong. Then I made excuses. I was tired, I worked late, or I got busy. 4 days...that's how long it has been since my last sweat. I can't make time for a 12 minute mile but I can eat two servings of eminems?? What the hell. Reality is I am stressing over money.

I am at that stage where I can buy new cloths. I can treat myself to new shoes or workout cloths. I have earned them. But honestly....the money is not there. I had to dip into my pimp cup for car repairs. I was up to 126.00...enough for a new outfit and 4.00 away from my running shoes. I was discouraged. I acted okay but really I was discouraged. That goal cup is my motivation. Every quarter or dollar in that cup I earned. I do also put 10% of my daily earnings in there as a little extra christmas money but I know that money will be spent on fun. No regrets, no bills, no gas money. Just good feelings.

Tonight laying in bed feeling sorry for myself I decided 4 days was enough pity party for me. Out of the 126 that belongs in that jar I replaced 106. Tomorrow I will put the other 20 and the other money I will earn.

Here's to making tomorrow a success!

Seriously

My blogger on my phone Messed up and i accidently deleted my previous post :/ sooo my weigh in was 151.2.... That is all

Kicking ASS and taking names...

So I am sorry in advance if I offend ANYONE by what I am going to say in this post. So I declare this post PG13 due to language.

I made this week my bitch. After hiking last weekend I hit a completely new high. I thought what I was doing was good enough. Turns out it was not good enough for ME. So I decided monday was the day to create my FRESH start.

Monday I stepped on that cold icy scale. I knew that it was going to be bad...are you kidding...I practically ate an onion and jalepeno stack ALONE. I look down real quick, and then up, then down, then up, and then decide I might as well accept the number. I then bow my head gently and looked at the number 153.6...3.6 gain from my huge goal of 150...oh well moving on. I took all of my measurements.

Weight: 153.6
Arm Left: 12.5
Arm Right: 12.5
Chest: 34
Waist: 28.4
Hips: 41 (can you tell I have had kids?)
Thigh Left and right: 21.5

I then took the Insanity fit test
Switch kicks: 68
Power Jacks: 35
Power knees: 60
Power jumps: 20
suicide jumps: 11
Pushup jacks: 20 (and they were really bad form)
Oblique climber thing: 27

I also made myself a "PIMP" goal cup. I put 10% of everything that we make in it. I also made a list of 10 things I could do to earn myself some extra money. An example is eating within my calories earns me .50cents. Losing 1 pound earns me 10.00. Doing a 5k earns me a 1.00. You get the point. Everything on the list totals 5.00 except the weight. So everyday I have the chance to make an impossible 5.00. At the end of the month I can use the money in my jar for anything I want, on ME. Soooo HELLO MOTIVATION.

SOOOO here is the weeks breakdown

MONDAY:
Weighed
took measurements
fit test day 1 insanity
ran 1 mile
cleaned bathroom
drank my 75 oz. of water
ate below my calorie range
and cooked a delicious healthy meal for dinner.

I keep saying I can do anything for 7 days
My song of the day was Paradise by Coldplay

TUESDAY:
did insanity
ate within my calories

WEDNESDAY:
1.09 miles ran

THURSDAY:
50 flights of stairs
5K

FRIDAY:
Ran 1.5 miles
did 30 min of wii
did a new nike workout (it was brutal and I did it in my front yard for all to see!)

SATURDAY:
I ran 1.25 miles (which through my nike gps over 100 miles!)

SUNDAY:

I took a much needed rest day. I could feel my calves just a BURNING

I did have really bad calorie days and those were Thursday and saturday. That being said I am hoping that my weigh in turns out okay tomorrow morning because I could really use 10.00 a pound! My goal is 3 pounds but we will see I guess.


ANYWAYS. That was my week in a nutshell. It's not a lot but it is for a sure a start for me. I feel like for the first time in a long time I am putting myself first. Instead of worrying about what everyone else is doing I am focusing on what I am doing about the things I want to change. I also am not expecting anyone to help me.

My goals this week are to try the ropes at the gym, use the row machine like I have somewhere to go, Run 10 miles this week (just a starter).

Hiking

Sooo our little "fit club" group had our first outing today. We decided our name is melt. When we got to turner falls Oklahoma we were so excited to hike. We started at the castle and took some funny pictures. Then we decided to hike the falls mountain. We got lost. Ran into a snake. Found the trail. Laughed our asses off. Overcame obstacles. Walked a few miles out of the way on a horse trail. Yelled from a mountain. At some food. Laughed some more. Turned around for a coyote head deep in a deer. Oh and got pulled over going 11 over and got a warning. None of those are in order. Basically it was a fantastic day with the ladies.

We then came up with a great idea that I hope pans out. We want to walk across Texas to raise money for St. Judes childrens hospital. We are going to make a mission statement and write a letter to Ellen or racheal ray or all of the above to raise money and awareness. And we have ideas to raise money on our own as well. It is still in the planning stage so like I said I hope it pans out.

Our next fun trip is to Amarillo to hike the united states second largest canyon. We thought about camping but we will see! It's so much fun planning and doing this kind of stuff. I really hope we can keep doing things like this!

Drowning

I feel like I am drowning. I am fighting hard, kicking, and screaming. My hands are grasping but I am being pushed. Rough evil hands wrapped around me ankles yanking me towards the bottom of these creepy swampy waters.

Life is hard right now. I have a good job that allows me to be with my family more but it never feels like enough. My car needs repairs, the husbands car needs repairs, I have to pay 45.00 to get a meningitis shot to even register for school, I have a 200.00 dentist bill and Christmas is right around the corner. I have to make cuts somewhere but being down to one vehicle has taken it's toll. I need to win the lottery but since I dont even play I need to figure out a different plan.

Weight loss....well I weighed even though I ate tons of candy and drank wine the night before. I only gained one pound. Monday started great and I worked out but the night ended terrible with trick or treating. Then today was awful...Chilis trays for breakfast, Mexican for dinner, and pop tarts for lunch. Is that not how I got fat to begin with?? So I am at a turning point....do I wallow in self pity or do I say I am not taking this crap anymore....the self pity thing is easy...I am usually a really strong person or at least I try to be but I am so tired of being pushed down, standing back up only to be pushed back down again.

Oh my gosh is that Christmas I see..

So being the planner I am I made a complete list of all the Christmas presents I needed to get. I was so proud of my list. It even included stuff for my husband. Tonight I decided that I needed to add it up after talking with my cousin about our lists. It was there I discovered that the cost was double what I had planned which kind of made it feel out of reach. I guess these next two months I have to up my game to make sure I can get everything on my list. Wish me luck!

Hmm

So yesterday was a terrible day for me from the start. Between a misunderstanding/fight with my friends to lousy tippers I ended up having an anxiety attack at which point I was given a anti-anxiety pill. I then went on a mile run and a mile walk with T and then went to the deer lease wear I proceeded to fall asleep. I woke up at 10 this morning having slept more then 12 hours. I did get everything worked out with my friends thank god because we are all going on this amazing hiking trip together! At least I think it will be amazing I have never been. It is now 3:19 and I have barely gotten out of bed. Reality is setting in and it's a but depressing.

We have lived with my in laws for almost a year and have barely managed to save anything. More important things always come up. Kids being sick, car problems, new tires, you name it and it has happened. I have been on pinterest like crazy looking at all this house stuff and it hits me like a punch in the face..."will we ever have our own house?"...I know someday but when? What have I done to help our future? I have not done all the the things I could be doing That's for sure. So I am starting now. I have a savings I am not going to touch for anything. I have food and a full tank of gas and 29.00...I can make it work. I hope I can make it work.

Stepping up my game.

So I have been working out or with 4 girls I work with. They are amazing. Each of us has our own way of inspiring or encouraging another. I feel like I have not put in the effort like the other girls have. So today I woke up in a great mood and decided today would be my "bitch". I danced my butt off while getting ready for work. Work was slow but my favorite manager was working which made for a fun day. After work I had a bowl of soup and me and MB decided to run a 5K while waiting for E and T to get off work. When the girls met up with us we did a quick strength workout and then I ran another mile. Yep that's right...I ran 3 mile today and walked 1.2 miles. Then for dinner me and the hubby decided Chilis sounded great and I actually made good dinner choices. I feel good about today. It's not over yet but there is nothing I would change. Hopefully I can step up my game tomorrow!

Scared of Tomorrow...

This weekend was a total disaster. I wanted to work out. I wanted to try out awesome recipes. I wanted to do good. Reality is....I sucked. I bought, cooked, and ate cookies. I ate fast food, chicken and dumplings, grandy's bisquits, lots of sweet tea, and soda.

Tomorrow morning is my weigh in...I know it will say I gained but I am going to do it anyways. I am going to try and put together an awesome plan for me to stick to this weekend. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Crazy....epic...

The title of this post are only a few words I can use to describe my wonderful life the past few days. Since tomorrow is Friday I thought I would give an update. I got to work out with MB this week which was awesome she did so much more then she thought she could and I was so glad to be apart of her accomplishment and to get a good quick workout in. I made a quesadilla bar one night for dinner and it was fantastic. The whole family loved it. Wednesday turned out to be better then I expected. We took my kids to the pumpkin patch, then went to the deer lease to watch deer and we got to see a buck. Then we went to dinner with MB and J. They came over for a little fire afterwards and we laughed so hard my abs hurt this morning. I seriously have the greatest friends in the world! I also swapped recipes with my now cousin M. I love to cook and new recipes always make me happy. She makes some awesome low calorie dishes and gave great ideas I am going to try out. Today was just flat out hectic. E is cutting the last of her teeth and of course that comes with all the delightful side effects. K had a field trip today so I had to race from work to pick her up and made it at 2:30 on the dot. Then I had tire issues again...I swear I buy a new tire every month on the day I am supposed to go to fort worth. Maybe god is telling me something. So I took E to get some subway, fix my tire, and then came home to run my best mile ever!! I remember when I ran my first mile my best friend T came to run with me after she had all ready ran 11 miles that day in cross country. She always encouraged me and still does from this day. She is so amazing.

Update on the "fit club". I swear we are coming up with a better name. Anyways we are killing it in our mile times. We also planned an amazing hiking trip November 5th. I know now it's opening day but I still have Sunday to hunt! We also have all planned on running the color run which I know I have other people going to run to so let's just say it will be an amazing girls weekend.

Christmas is coming up and I am scrambling to start Saving money. How do I end up with no money right before christmas every year?? Oh yeah...cloths, gas, bills, groceries...I will cheers with my water to put my best saving skills in action.

Marriage wise....we are doing fantastic. Maybe I was just PMS'ing but I feel like we are making an effort to actually speak nicely to each other.

Well goodnight all! Here are some pictures of my loves!

Monday weigh in

So this past week was a little eye opening. I knew I consumed a lot of calories but it was a struggle. This weekend I did pretty great though. I was a little worried about the scale but when I stepped on the scale I was a pound lighter! 7.4 pounds until my shopping trip. I am trying to be happy about my one pound but I am more worried about my marriage. I guess that since my parents divorced at 6 I have been thinking a lot about it. I am also not an over affectionate person. When I am done fighting I don't need a hug and a kiss to make me feel better. My husband likes to have some form of affectionate display. Lately I have felt like a parent and not a fun loving wife. I am the one that regulates. I hate it. I miss me. I miss the girl that was not over consumed with money issues, self issues, kid issues, and now marriage issues. I get so stressed I get snappy and I guess it's at the husband. I also feel he gets snappy with me and I get defensive. I love him so much. Marriage is hard work everyday and I am willing to fight for it. I want us to get "us" back. We need dates and alone time even if it's just a walk. I need to quit with the constant planning of everything because nothing ever goes as planned. I miss the husband and wish he was cuddling here with me right now :/

Saturday fatter day

So Saturday I woke up ready to go to Chico festival. The girls had a blast on the little ferris wheel, bounce house, and obstacle course. Then we went to the deer lease to move the feeders since all the rain put them in about a foot of water. Immediately after I was taking my oldest to her horse lesson. I can not say enough about her instructor. She is amazing with Kylie. She teachs kylie colors and commands all the while teaching her horse safety. After that we took Kylie to get her cowgirls attire. She got a new pair of Justin boots. They are super cute and camo. Then we took her to fosters where she got a cowgirl shirt and a bedazzled camo belt. She was cowgirled out when we met my bestie for dinner. All Kylie wanted to do was show off her new goodies! We had a nice big family dinner at chuys where we had to yell at one another to hear. It's there we decided to take the party home! We went and got some wine and beer, I got to see an old friend, and we trucked it home. The rangers had just started and over the course of all our wine the rangers made some AMAZING plays. I love seeing brittney because she reminds me how simple it can be having a best friend. I can be honest, be myself, and there is never and drama, judgement, and I never feel like I have to compete. It feels easy. We talk almost everyday but when we see eachother we always have something to say.

So as you may gather I ate bad, did not workout, spent lots of money when I should be saving, and I love brittney!!

Today is a whole new healthy day and I have a clean slate so let's see what I do with it!

Getting my game face on

My morning did not start how I wanted it at all and I am FIGHTING the urge to weigh myself. The truth is the weekend is always when I fail myself. I go out to eat, I get lazy, and I am busy. I am going to try and fight through the urge to be bad this weekend. We were supposed to get my husbands knee brace refund last night and sure enough in the account there was no large lump sum of money. I try to remind myself that it's no big deal that I am working today but it is so frustrating. I feel even worse for my husband. He wants to be the hero that makes everything right. I know he thinks I am freaking out and just wants to fix it for me so I don't worry. It's probably best the money is not there because I needed new jeans so this gives me another week or so to focus on working out.

Speaking of working out I am totally rocking it. I have been working out like someone who loves it and I know why! I have these awesome girls I work with that are trying to lose weight or shape up just like me. Everyday we decide on workouts, encourage each other to eat right, ask questions, keep asking if one another did their workout, and communicate like crazy when we want to eat bad. For the first time I have a super supportive group of girls that actually encourage as much as they inspire. We even put together a "club" that gets together once a month and goes and does something fit and healthy. Some of our options are kayaking, rockclimbing, roller skating, healthy restaurants of course, and anything else like Zumba classes. Anyone who knows me knows I am a freak for trying new fun active stuff.

My eating has not been fabulous but I have a new plan of attack starting Monday! Stay tuned for my weigh in and plan!

Here are a few workouts our group has done and don't forget we always add cardio!

Why am I crying...

Sooo I had this huge politics blog written up...it was beautiful. It talked about the occupy movement, my views on Obama, Bush, and our future president. It encouraged people to research before voting. Vote on the issues not on race or religion. Vote for the person you thing will best support this country....blah blah blah...then my computer crashed...It crashed because my husband had to hook up his deer camera...the internet was down so I asked him to fix it...little did I know I would end up in tears because everything is shutting down and my BEAUTIFUL politics blog is gone.....

Moving on....

Getting ready for school

Last night around 11 I thought it would be a great time to email the head lady of the surgical tech program. I got all of my financial aid in order. I just have to redo it next year and hope that it covers the majority of my costs. I am also taking medical terminology and retaking an anatomy class. I am more worried about the test then I am about the classes. I am a terrible test taker. Another thing I am super worried about is my stomach. I have a really weak stomach an I am hoping my interest overcomes my gag reflex.

This morning my foot still hurts like crazy but I am going to suck it up and go to work anyways.

I am also going to put together some tortilla soup tonight after my workout!! Wish me luck!!

I feel a song coming on..

I have know idea how to start this so i will do my best. If you have read my blog at all you know that I started tracking what I eat and working out again. I have all ready gone over day 1-3. Day 4 I worked out and tracked what I ate. Let me remind myself and everyone else that for the first week I just journaled everything I ate. I did not count calories. I want to get into a positive habit and with not tracking the calories the first week I did not hesitate at all to write EVERYTHING down. Day 5 was a super long day at work. I did track what I ate but what I ate was not even close to my calorie range. It was well above it. I also did not work out. I just knew that when I woke up saturday I would start the day off right.

Saturday morning my daughters were in a parade. They were so cute. I had to get up early shower, get the girls ready, and decorate the golf cart. The entire family was at the parade. My mom, stepdad, of course meme, grandpa, babe, pappy, cassie, and us.I also bought the most amazing dress ever! Afterwards the girls and their pappy and aunt cassie went to a family reunion to show off their good looks and greatness while me and ray went to pay a bill, try on boots, look at saddles, and eat. I ate bad of course and by that time I was worn out so I ended up not working out. That night I cuddled on the couch with the girls and watched scooby doo. We ate chips and amazing dip along with Dr peppers and Fish. So saturday was a bust.

Sunday was no better. It was my mommy in laws birthday so we got up and went to church. We shocked her with a little get together of 30+ people at El quapos in Denton. I did not eat terrible but I had my fair share in chips and salsa oh and of course sweet tea. I went to TJ maxx and bought my first future house product...

It is my favorite color in the whole wide world. I also found this amazing chair that I am going to have to get for our office we are setting up. Well lets just say that ice cream scoop brightened my day. Then me and my husband went to the deer stand where we watched all the doe feed. It is amazing no matter how many times I see it.

That brings me to today. The end of week one and beginning of week 2. I weighed in this morning just waiting for the worst numbers ever to appear.....dun dun dun...yeah I am dragging this out....just a little longer....okay I weighed 153.4!! I didn't gain!!!!!! I was naked or I would have jumped in the air. I settled for a loud "hell yeah". I ate well today and tracked all of my calories. I didn't like the numbers but I know I have to do it. I also worked out really hard. In my cardio/strength workout I FORCED myself to do the 3rd set. I knew I would be super dissappointed in myself if I didn't. I then took my daughter for a 1.5 mile walk in her wagon where I proceeded to injure myself. My left foot is extremely sore and it is painful to walk on it at this point. I am keeping my fingers crossed that it will feel better in the morning.

My intimate challenge made it to day 3...what can I say I was really tired!

Okay that is it for the night!! Good night!

This breaks my heart...

I hope I never encourage my young daughters to do this out of concern for their bodies.

Day 2 and Day 3..

I have to admit when I started doing this I did not have a whole lot of confidence in myself. I knew I could do the work but reality set in that I like to be lazy. I like television and my kids love cartoons...how do I lose? Don't get me wrong I am very active with them or am I? I take them to swing, play outside...kinda...Then it hit me..I am never an active participant. I randomly get on the jungle gym with them but I usually sit and watch them play. That is not the type of parent I want to be. So here is cheers to myself (with a glass of water) and everyone else who is looking to be more active with their kids.

Moving on...

Day 2 was perfect...I went to work, me and a friend (have not asked her permission to list her name) went and rocked out the gym with the arm pyramid via Tone It Up, ab machines, and the elliptical. I am still in the writing all my food down stages and next week starts the calorie counting. For the most part I ate really well. I also got my car inspection which was like pulling teeth and when I could have had a margarita I choose water.

Day 3. Me and my husband started the day fighting. We found out that the car we were trying to get approved for did not match our ideal percentage rate. So no new car for us....that alone put a bad taste in my mouth. I got to work and right away one person got under my skin...it was all down hill from there. I was lucky that everyone else I worked with was in a bad mood or had something going on as well (maybe we were syncing up!) so my bitchiness did not stand out but I felt like it did. I got off work and my husband decided he would like to go running with me. I love running with my husband. It's outdoors, we get time to talk, and it is kind of like alone time for us. It put me in a great mood. I did notice that I ate a lot though. None of the items I ate were high in calories I just consumed more food then usual. I also drank a lot more water. I guess I am more of an emotional eater then I thought. After our run we grilled, played outside and I cooked some side dishs. So horrible day to start and delightful day to end.

I still have not weighed myself and I am thinking of only doing it on Monday's. I do not want to discourage myself.

So recap....recording what I eat..GREAT..exercising...FANTASTIC...I could actually dominate my weight loss this time. Instead of trying to lose it fast I am taking it one day at a time. I am paying attention to my body not the scale which is really hard. I know I am doing it right and the fact that I have my best friend yelling DO IT through text, a great friend working out with me, and the support and workout buddy in my husband is amazing. I CAN do this!

Day 1

Yesterday was my day one and all though I had some family things I needed to do it really turned out to be a great day.

I got to see my wonderful sister. I missed her so much while she was gone. I also got to see my mom and stepdad. They all love the kids so much and the kids love seeing them. My daughter cried for an hour after we left.

I started working out yesterday. I did the leg pyramid by Tone It Up and then I ran a mile. It was a slow mile but it was in the heat of the day so I decided it was good enough.

Eating went okay. I started off with a wonderful bowl of honeycombs measured of course. I then had crawfish volcano sushi and a wrap for lunch with a bite of a fish stick. For dinner I had some sweet tea and two tacos (shrimp and crawfish), bites of a burrito, and a hot fudge sundae.

I could not resist the scale this morning I just wanted to see if anything I did yesterday paid off. I stepped on the scale biting my lip.....I lost 1 pound!!! YAY!! I totally fist pumped. I promise I will not weigh again until friday but I am really excited to see the scale move down. (153.8)

Personal life.....we are in the middle of an intimate challenge!!

Last but not least I got to see my daughters first horse riding lesson. I was scared she would lose focus or not pay attention but she was totally into it. She liked the one on one with her wonderful teacher and she is learning safety and getting to ride. I would pay double to see my daughters face light up like that everyday.

All in all yesterday was a great day. Hopefully today works out just as well!!

Relapse....

So I have not blogged since September 7th. So there is a lot to go over.

My 18 month old daughter is BANANA'S....She is in her tantrum stage and everything is the end of the world for her unless I am carrying her. She is lucky she is sooo stinkin cute.

Kylie my 3 almost 4 year old has learned that she can talk back and for the most part she only gets a time out. She picks out her own cloth's but is scared to sleep alone. Sooo she has pushed her way into sleeping in her mommy and daddys bed everynight. It's super fun.....not....she is lucky she is adorable. On a high note she is a really good cuddler!

Finances....Me and the hubster took all of september and documented EVERY penny we spent...including 1.00 on a ballon animal. We also documented how much money I made everyday (I am a waitress and I had never tracked it before) and every other ounce of income we have had coming in. It was amazing the amount of money we spent on going out to eat and random expenses. Granted some were needed like me getting a new pair of glasses and the dog getting it's vaccinations, new tires, oil changes, diapers...you name anything random and I probably bought it in september. That being said, October has not started off great either but now we have the tools and the knowledge to fix it! Wish us luck this month!!

Weight loss....not so much (I am chuckling to myself with embarrassment right now). I did not gain but it feels like I am going to be forever 10 pounds away from my goal. I am an excuse maker and have to admit the excuses are getting the better of me. I had nothing to look forward to, nothing to train for until now (family pictures, new cloths, and an awesome girls maybe couples getaway in Feb). I have discovered I HAVE to have a plan. So here are some rules I made up for myself.

1. Always have my gym bag ready to go.
2. Always have a plan...eating is the most important part of this. I always use a fast meal plan that is so unhealthy for me but if I plan ahead I can make healthy choices.
3. Recruit if I can but do not count on my friends or family helping me through. I have done this in the past and used them not doing the work as my excuse not to do the work.
4. Have fun with it again. I lost 50 and 80 pounds when I was just having a blast with my workouts. 80 pounds with my first daughter was because I wanted to be healthy to have another baby, and 50 now because I want to not only look sexy but feel sexy and I am just not there yet.
5. If you feel it write it. I am such an emotional person and this will help me get out idea's, frustrations, and any other emotion.

That's all I have so far. Tomorrow is day one so wish me luck!!

My BIRTHDAY!

My 25th Birthday celebration was AMAZING!

With out planning I ran into my Daddy, Stepmom, my Aunt and Uncle. (I was not sure if they wanted me to post their names so I won't!)

We went to one of my favorite Restuarants RAZOO'S. I am not a huge shot person but I was able to hold down 3 patron shots, 1 vegas bomber, and a bucket of beer!! Anyone who knows me is clapping and in shock right now.

My closest friends all attending and that is my two BESTEST friends since high school, My Best friend who also attended high school with me, and all the men I have known and loved since high school!! It was amazing. We had not all been together since well...high school.

Everyone knows I am not a club person so after words we went to Main Event. I was beat at bowling by a 5 year old and the worst part was I actually tried to be kick-butt. (Again I am not naming names because I do not want anyone to get mad!) I played lunar golf, played arcade games, and rode a rollercoaster!

I could not have asked for a betting ending to my first 25 years or a better beginning for the next chapter in my life.

Something New...

So I got a few emails asking about my weigh in's and how I am doing and all that jazz.

I have decided to try something NEW for me. I am not going to weigh myself for two weeks. I started training again but right now it is not consistant. I have been eating better but still over my calorie intake. I will let everyone know if I lost anything after the two weeks. I am trying to focus on me and enjoying working out and preparing healthy things then counting and stressing over the calories having to do certain workouts. I am mixing it up!! I am also getting back into the racing thing!!

So far being 25 has not had the sensational arrival I thought it would. Money has been crazy, for the second time our airconditioner in our rent house has gone out, kids are spastic, ummm what else.....everything has been crazy. I feel like it is extremely hard to keep my head above water. I am fighting so hard and it feels like someone keeps pushing me down...trust me I am fighting with every last breath. Enough of the Debbie Downer stuff though.

I am slowly realizing that I can not have a plan for everything. Plan's never workout the way I think they will.

The one thing that is constant in my life I my amazing family and friends. They are always there for me when I need them.

Moving on...

I am planning my daughters birthday parties and everything is coming together great. I can't wait to celebrate them!

The rest of the Survey

75% of everyone who took the survey said they feel others judge them.
85% of everyone who took the survey said they judge others.
55% of everyone who took the survey said their weight affects their sex life.

90% say they are going to choose healthy eating and exercise to meet their weight goals.

10% say they are choosing programs such as weight watchers in order to stabalize their eating habits.

I will add all the quotes this weekend!!

Real Women Have Curves

I conducted a survey called "Real women have curves". I asked 10 simple questions that all of 100 ladies answered. Here are some of the findings that I came up with so far. I am not done though!

Things that Women love most about themselves.
27% butt
15% boobs
11% legs
8% arms
8% smile
8% stomach
4% hair
4% face
4% eyes
4% shoulders
4% back
3% height

Things that women hate most about themselves
42% stomach
11% legs
8% stretch marks
8% thighs
8% boobs
4% complexion
4% butt
4% arms
4% calves
4% cellulite
3% ears

And Drumroll......

Here is a healthy weight chart for everyone. The minimum is having a BMI no less the 20. For those who are underweight because they want to be skinny I suggest putting on a few pounds of muscle. NO cheeseburger runs please!! For the record I know due to the survey that some underweight are trying to put on weight by working out and increasing healthy calorie intake. The maximum of course is the maximum not to exceed a BMI of 25.

5"1' 106-132
5"2' 109-137
5"3' 113-141
5"4' 117-146
5"5' 120-150
5"6' 124-155
5"7' 128-160
5"8' 132-164
5"9' 135-169
5"10' 139-174
5"11' 143-179
6"0' 147-184

These weight goals can be found by doing any BMI calculator and also on nutrition.gov and usda.

I am not saying that anyone is overweight or underweight if you do not fall into these numbers. These numbers are what is considered a healthy and optimum weight.

Further research updates from all of your questions/Surveys will be up by tomorrow evening!!

Awesome recipe I tried out tonight! Sorry that I do not have a picture. I did not want to steal one from the internet but it is a weight watchers recipe and it is 4 points. Super easy and inexpensive to make.


Ingredients

4 tsp honey
1/4 cup(s) Dijon mustard
1 tsp apple cider vinegar
1/4 tsp table salt
1/8 tsp black pepper, to taste
1 pound(s) pork center loin, lean and fat

Instructions

heat honey in small saucepan over low heat, stir in mustard vinegar, salt and pepper
place porkchop in gallon bag add marinade, squeeze out air and turn to coat, regrigrate overnight, turning occasionally
broil 6-7 minutes on each side

Friday 8/19 weigh in/ what else is going on

This friday I weighed in and it went well. I lost 1.2 pounds. Not the number I wanted by it was a start.

This friday is the big weigh in before my 25th birthday and it has not started well.

Yesterday I was EXHAUSTED from the weekend. When I got off work I made every excuse not to work out before I decided hey I am not going to work out. My eating was not terrible but I have been eating a high calorie breakfast to last me through my lunch shift at chili's.

Every morning for the past week I have had 2 slices of Sara lee 45 calorie bread with a spread of natural peanut butter drizzled in honey. If I am feeling randy I have a glass of milk but usually it is water. I then take a B complex vitamin and it gives me SOOO much energy.

Today I had to get up early and go to the dentist at which point the ortho puts two wires on my teeth...can you say PAIN??? From there I went to the gym for a short workout, and then I went to work for a short shift. I just wanted to bail as soon as possible since my mouth was hurting. I came home and cooked dinner.

A girl I know at work used her birthday as a new year new you type thing and I think I am going to do the same. I have all ready started some good habits but I am going to make a list of all the things I would love to do and try and gradually start working on that when possible.

Motivation wise I do not have much but I am using all that I have. I have races I am signing up for to keep my training in check. For the record i love working on myself but I also love hearing how all my friends are doing! Keep up the good work those who are trying to lose weight or maintain.

Weigh in and life

Well I weighed in friday at 155.4. Not the least I have been but I am really happy with it. I want to do this the right way and a way that fits in with my lifestyle so I can maintain it.

With the big family I have and all of us living so close together we have made meal nights. My in laws cook one night, my sister in law cooks one night, my meme and grandpa cook one night and I cook one night. Fridays, saturdays, and sundays are free for alls. It really cuts the grocery bill down and it is a great way to have different foods with out having to cook every night!!

4 days until my next weigh in!!

Shrimp and Shiitake Risotto Recipe

I cooked this recipe on my family dinner night and it was DELICIOUS! I found all ingrediants in Wal-mart even the Italian rice. If anyone wants the nutrition information let me know and I will hook you up. This recipe I got out of my fitness magazine.

Ingredients
4 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth
1 tablespoon unsalted butter
1/2 cup finely chopped onion
3 teaspoons minced fresh garlic
1 cup Arborio rice
3/4 cup dry sherry or dry white wine
4 teaspoons olive oil
6 ounces shiitake mushrooms, stemmed, caps sliced (about 2 cups)
2 teaspoons minced fresh thyme
Pinch salt
3/4 pound medium shrimp, shelled and cleaned (tails removed if desired)
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan
2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley
Directions
1. In a medium saucepan, bring the chicken broth to a simmer; reduce heat to low and keep warm.

2. Melt the butter in a large skillet over medium-low heat. Add the onion; saute until softened, 3 minutes. Add 1 teaspoon of the garlic; saute 30 seconds. Stir in the rice, then add 1/2 cup of the sherry; cook until absorbed, stirring frequently, about 2 minutes. Add 1/2 cup of the broth, stirring until absorbed, 2 minutes. Add remaining broth 1/2 cup at a time; stir each 1/2 cup until absorbed before adding the next. Cook, stirring frequently, until rice is tender and creamy, 20 to 25 minutes.

3. Heat 2 teaspoons of the olive oil in a nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add the mushrooms and saute until golden, 5 to 7 minutes. Add 1 teaspoon each of the garlic and thyme and the pinch of salt; saute 1 minute and transfer to a plate. Add remaining oil and the shrimp to empty pan; cook 2 minutes. Add remaining garlic and saute 1 minute more. Add remaining sherry and simmer 1 minute, until shrimp are just barely cooked through; set aside.

4. When the risotto has finished cooking, stir in shrimp and liquid, mushrooms, Parmesan, parsley and remaining thyme. Warm 2 minutes. Spoon into bowls and serve.

ENJOY!

Update 8/11

So it is the day before my weigh in and it is going to be like starting over since I have not weighed in a few weeks. I have started marathon training and on day four my shins need a break. My legs hurt so bad yesterday that it took me 30 minutes to walk 1.63 miles and even I have to say that is TERRIBLE. The amazing part is I am not discouraged at all. I did also cheat on my water with a sunkist but sometimes you just have to kiss an orange!

I have been looking for some fun races that do not include mud and water and have found a few that I am really excited about. There is a trail races, a vineyard race, and a disco race. It's exciting to look up and find these races but what is even more exciting is looking up races out of state and places we can travel to. It gives me a reason to work out and an excuse to talk ray into traveling.

So tonight I am resting my shins and tomorrow it is back to the grind even if I have to walk! I found my motivation for the moment.

I hope to hear from all my friends on how your weight loss is going. I love hearing how everyone is doing!!

Motivation

So I took a break from blogging. I have had some issues with motivation and just didn't know how to deal with it. I have also been having personal struggles that I needed to sort out and it has messed with my head. I have to admit I have turned to food.

At first I felt like I was being punished. When I prayed I sobbed asking what I could do to correct the wrong. My faith was being shaken at its core. I then realized I had been through so much worse. I had lost a child, friends, almost my home, and jobs just to name a few.

I do not have an ideal situation. I live with my in laws, have two kids,I am a waitress, and I have had no idea what to do with my life.

What I do have is a roof, a car that gets me to work and back and is paid for and is safe for my kids, I have a job, my husband has a job, I have two beautiful kids, the greatest friends, and an amazing husband, not to mention a wonderful family.

So why have I been so down lately? Yes I have tons of money issues but I have to remember that millions of people do.

There are so many things that I can not control but my body and what I choose to do with it is not one of them. I have abused my body. I have said it a million times but as i am typing this the abuse stops now.

I am starting a whole new lifestyle and since I am starting from scratch I am also taking my responsibility for our financial situation. No more buying my daughters a barbie every time we go to walmart, going out to eat more then we should (which we had all ready cut back since our daughter is terrible in restaurants), no more buying an outfit at any place just because I have a coupon. My kids have TONS of cloths.

Here is the plan.

I am going to start calorie counting again and going to the gym. On the days I don't go to the gym it's mandatory cleaning for me and if that is not enough I have a treadmill at home. I want to find a half marathon to do and start training. My body is a temple and it's time I start treating it that way.

I am also going to start saving 10% of everything we make and when we need things like a new tire or pair of glasses I am going to have to work extra for that. We will come up with a reasonable budget and a meal/grocery list so we can eliminate random spending. My daughters will learn how to save for what they want so if the want things they will have to help do things like wash the dog, pick up there room, cook dinner, and by they I mean Kylie since Emma is a little young to understand or help.

That is the plan and I am sure it will be tweaked but at least there is an initiative to make things better.

At what cost....

I have had some serious issues with my friends lately. I am a person that worries, says yes when I mean no, and let people's emotions persuade me into doing things I do not want to do. Not serious things of course but things like going out when I should stay home, spending money when I really do not have any, and basically my some of my friends feel as if I should pay more attention to them then I do my family.

Let me start by saying NO ONE is as important as my family no matter what the occasion. I do not care how long it has been planned and I knew about it. In trying to do the right thing my friends decide that they will guilt me into doing what they want.

Guess what....not anymore..these past few weeks I have managed to lose a few friends and I am perfectly fine with that and I have a feeling that I am fixing to lose a few more and I am actually gleefully excited about that as well.

My goals are to buy land and build a house. Give my children everything they want, and save for our future. I can not do that if I am constantly spending money on other people. My real friends can accept the new friendship terms or find a different friend to push around.

These past two days in making all these decisions I have never been happier.

Things are about to change.

Caveman Crawl 2011

The caveman crawl was a flipping blast this year. Some of my best friends participated in it with me including my husband!! The course was the HARDEST course I have come across to date. Here are a few fun pictures!

Never again.

I told myself when I started this blog that I was going to be honest with myself. I didn't care if people read it, followed it, or even cared. This was for me. If I could help one person I wanted it to be me.

I have missed a few weigh ins and anyone that knows me knows that I have not been living up to my potential.

This morning as I stepped on the scale and saw the numbers flash before my eyes I shed a few tears. I worked so hard to lose weight and here I was gaining it back. I looked in the mirror and felt disgusted. How could I let this happen? I talk about it and people that are bigger then me just laugh...how could I have such a body issue? I just want to give a BIG F U to anyone that things that their weight issues are bigger or better then mine. EVERYONE has body issues and no matter how little or small they are still issues. I have come such a long way and being so close to my ultimate goal I am letting myself go into fear. When I was 240 pounds I thought that was the worst I would ever feel. I could not by cloths, my skin had a weird rash, I had stretch marks every where. How could I play with my daughter when I got winded just walking? I made the choice to lose weight and I did. Why am I stopping 10 pounds shy?

Then I remembered I am a personal trainer. If I spent half as much time worrying about myself as I do others I would have a flipping six pack. So guess what....that is what I am doing. I am doing ME for a change. I am going to rock my body the best way I know how. I am going to feed it the best food and train it the best way I know how.

This morning I was 157.8...I will never be that again.

Quit being so Negative..

So as promised I did the 2 day cleanse of my diet...I amazingly dropped 2.6 pounds easy. I felt great, had energy, and did not feel deprived in any way...

These past two weeks have been pure hell for me...I was in a automobile accident, had my college dreams crushed, failed a secret shop at my store, my rent house airconditioner went out, I had a huge bank issue and had to take out a loan, and my husband broke his toe. That is a lot to deal with in a short amount of time.

Here is what happened. I kept dwelling on all the bad that was happening and when I sat down to write this all I could think of was how I am the world's most negative person. Maybe I made my own fate. I am a wait for the other shoe to drop kind of person.

I am the same way with my weightloss. I don't expect it to be easy but I kind of treat the process that way. I get lazy and just flat out do not want to do the work. I know so many people that are just like me in everyway.

I am going to try and be more positive, but i know it will not be that easy. I need to dedicate myself to being the person I want to be and doing the things I want to do. My next official weigh in is going to be friday. Stay tuned. Starting tomorrow I am going to start logging everyday my eating habits, and working out stuff. I am also going to start wearing my pedometer at work so I know how far I walk everyday and will log that, and my measurements. I am not going to display my before pictures until I have my afters so I will not feel so ashamed!! Good weight loss luck everyone!

Look Better Naked

Starting Look Better Naked Plan 6/27

Day 1 is the beginning of a 2 day cleanse. I will post my weight before and after the two days and post the cleanse as well!!

Weigh in 6/24/ Plans....

So I did not weigh in...sorry...I know some of you are frowning right now and giving me sass in your head but it was my anniversary. I am starting my look better naked plan and I will give every person that leaves me motivation a 10.00 if I do not follow it!! I know it's not a lot but I have a feeling with money on the table I will start getting emails and texts with all the support I can handle.

On a lighter note I have been reviewing my school plans and doing homework on something that I have had my eye on for a while.

Stroller strides....

I remember when I was pregnant I wanted to stay in shape so bad. I wanted the support of other fit mama's but it was so hard to find. There were not many pre/post natal options in decatur or in denton and I was even willing to pay. So with my first pregnancy I gained 80 and around 50 with my second pregnancy. I bought all the right magazines and video's but it was not the same as interacting with other mommy's. After I had my babies it was an uphill battle. My kids do not like the gym daycare and I am an extreme outdoors person. I love to run and workout outside. It's hard to do with two kids and that is when I discovered Stroller strides. It lets you workout with your babies and helps you interact with other moms. It using learning tools for your children and it just flat out sounded like a good time...to bad there was not one close within a 60 mile radius..

The point of the story is I think I am going to open a stroller strides in Denton or Decatur. I am very undecided which place.

I would love opinions from anyone that is interested!!

Weigh in 6/17....

So I officially did my weigh in on Thursday since I knew having the day off would reek havoc on my weigh in. I bought a new scale and have been very skeptical if the numbers are right because as soon as I got on the scale it popped up 152.6!! In my head I am jumping up and down screaming, singing, and smiling so hard my face hurts. BUT I am wondering if this number is right?? I stepped on and off the scale 6 times and let me tell you 152.6 is what popped up every time.

That means that I am 7.6 pounds from my ultimate goal. Let me remind everyoen including myself that my original goal was 160. 145 in my all time ultimate goal and at the point I just want to tone up and love my body...I can not remember the last time I was this small..maybe when I met my husband when I was 15?? That was 10 years ago...It feels amazing and I want to keep this feeling.

ON another note I am going on my anniversary trip next friday, July I have my FIRST girls weekend getaway, and I start my observation Monday morning.

Despite all my school drama I am really excited about the future. I know that the school year will suck for me because I will not get to see any of my friends but I have to keep the big picture in mind and my true friends will stick around.

What I have been up to...weigh in update.

I did weigh in on Friday and my weight stayed the same..154.4...I am at a loss. I know I do not do the work so I do not deserve to see results. The day I start working hard is the day I will reach my goal...So this week here is my goals..
1.Workout at the gym 3 days
2. Quit drinking cokes
3. NO fried foods
4. Count all my calories and measure what I eat and drink
5. Drink water

I will stick to these for one week so stay tuned for friday's weigh in.

I have also enrolled my daughter's in gymnastics, and swim lessons. The swim lessons are a total workout for me and I love seeing my baby emma progress.

I am posting a few pictures of whats been going on in my life and what has gotten me so busy.

Firefly Race

Me and one of my best friend Brittney did the firefly night run in plano. This was so much fun. The night started with a delicious dinner at maggiano's. We then went to the race 2 hours early to get in line for the packet pick up. After we recieved out stuff it was just a waiting game. Brittney killed me when we started running, she was so fast! I have not ran in like two weeks and I was feeling the burning air in my chest. We finished the race 1497 out of 2396...not to bad...I had a blast and the night ended with some drinks at applebee's. Here are a few pictures~

I pray I can...bless you teacher friends..

As I have mentioned several times I am TERRIFIED of failing. I quit before I get started or I give up halfway through so I don't have to be let down. This has been the case with my school. I am sure that I am driving all my friends and family banana's with all the switching of my majors just within the week.

I am terrified to do physical therapy even though I know I will be really good at it. School is 3 years longer and very competitive to get in. I feel like I need to be a genius and lets face reality I am far from that. SO I choose teaching. still a scary route because I am not walking across the stage with a job. Teaching although filling for some seems like so much work. I have to hand it to all my friends that are teachers. They are dedicated 10-12 hours a day if not more when they are a coach. I am sure it is gratifying. They do not get paid near as much as they should for their hours. Yesterday though I watched a woman my age cry for what seemed like forever because her job was one that did not make it. She had applied at daycares, and was then applying to waitress....ARE YOU KIDDING ME...I have been a waitress for 4 years now and the last thing I want to do when I graduate is to continue to be a waitress. So with that being said I am taking a huge step into the fear of failure and I am going to give this school thing a real shot in a major I am going to keep secret until the fall. I want to be sure it is the right thing for me and I make the grades I need. Please keep your fingers crossed as I venture into the unknown!

Weigh in 6/3

Official weigh in this morning...

Let me start off by saying I have been REALLY bad. I have not worked out in at least two weeks. My eating has not been terrible but it has been no where near great. I have been working a lot and trying to clean and be a little active at home. I have been swimming, and fishing so I think its safe to say I have burned a few calories.

That being said I have been able to maintain my weight at 154.4. I want to be 145 by June 24 when my husband sweeps me off for an adventure for our anniversary. That only gives me 21 days to get off some pounds. I however am not going to push it. I know that weight will come off when I put the work into it. You can not expect to lose weight if you are not willing to do the work. I am great at making excuses. I am to tired, to busy, do not feel like it, and the list goes on. What makes losing weight so hard is the excuses we make to ourselves. As I have mentioned before I am terrified of failure. Keeping all this in mind I am going to try really hard this next week...I just want to see what the scale will say if I give my all for just a week...Stay tuned for next Friday's weigh in!!

And PLEASE feel free to encourage me and help me stay on track!!

My Summer Fun to do list

1. Take a boxing class (the kind with gloves and everything!)
2. I want to go rock climbing indoors (I am terrified of heights)
3. I want to go see cowboy stadium (I can not afford to go see a game)
4. Run a race at night (June 4th with the famous Brittney!)
5. GO to a drag queen show (I think that will be super fun)
6. Kayaking this summer (I loved it last year)
7. Follow through with INSANITY to get rid of some of this baby pudge
8. Take a cooking or baking class (make something out of the ordinary)
9. Go ice skating for the first time
10. Paintball with the famous Brittney
11. Take a spur of the moment trip somewhere I have never been.
12. Considering doing a night run on the beach with Brittney in Galveston August 13th!!

I know I will add to this list but that is just a few things I would like to do this summer...I am going to be busy!!

My perfect summer...NOT

My summer has officially started and I have managed to not workout and stress about money and school. I have tried to make plans of attack but at every corner I am defeated. I have tried taking different approachs and expect a different outcome and that has not worked. I have lost motivation and for some reason I feel like I am okay with being defeated. Two weeks ago I was raving about starting Insanity and going to college next fall. Until I met with advisors at UNT I thought I had everything figured out but man was I wrong. My choice to do physical therapy was botched when an advisor told me that it was highly unlikely that I would be accepted into a program due to my grades. So I changed back to teaching which is what I originally wanted to do anyways. My though process was that if I do something that i LOVE it will show in my grades and in my personality and a person hiring would see that. Then the advisor told me I would need to change my major. I was not prepared for that at all. I was in love with my major. I was excited about it and soooo looked forward to it. Why were they trying to shatter my dreams? Then I asked my friends what they thought. Being realistic like they are they said the same thing the advisor said. In the end I was unwilling to accept that I was being forced and encouraged to do something that I really didnt want to do and even I was making excuses to be unhappy. After much thought I went with what my heart told me to do. I may be jobless when I graduate but so are thousands of other people. I have to hope that eventually the economy will get better and there will be a need for me somewhere in this world.

As you can tell this alone has made me feel sorry for myself and a little on the depressed side. I hate not having a plan or something that is a for sure thing but I keep telling myself that if I do not try I will never know if I would have succeeded or not.

House # 2 that we picked.

We have had a dream house picked out for a while and hung on our wall for inspiration but when I saw this house on the cover of a book I fell in love instantly with it. So now we have two house plans picked out (and this one is my favorite!)..Tell me what you guys think..

This last house was a picture that I found on google. A couple actually built the house and posted pictures of the entire process. The last picture was the house after it was built.