Emotional eating

Today was one of those days where I needed some therapy. Let's start when i was younger....whenever I had an issue that I tried to discuss it was labeled as "why are you being dramatic" or "she is always trying to start something" when I really wanted to scream "Shut the HELL up and listen to what I am telling you" I kept my mouth open long enough to defend myself and then left it alone. I would eat anything I could get my hands on. Knowing I had so much inside that bothered me, and knowing that I could not share it tore me up inside. To this day I am "not allowed" to display my inner feelings in the fear of "being dramatic".I shut down when I am upset. So I just do not talk to the people that have meant the most to me to avoid conflict. Again I eat. When I was younger I had something terrible happen to me. Thinking it was my fault I held in that something terrible for two years. Again I ate. When my family fell apart, and my new family merged I felt like in order for someone to pay attention to 1 of 7 kids I had to be bad (being good never got me anywhere. No I love you, or I am proud of you). It worked and I was grounded for most of my middle and high school career. I ate then to. Again for the sake of not being dramatic I to this day keep any ill feelings for certain people to myself for the sake of family and friends. Let me be clear. I LOVE MY FAMILY. Whats left of it that is. Gradually I am cutting out the people that cause me the most pain, stress, and those who make me feel like I am not loved. Today at a very emotional point for me I wanted to gulp down a triple meat cheese burger from whataburger with a large Dr pepper and french fries. Instead I went to the gym for a little refresher. I am still sad, but I am learning that eating is not something that is going to make me feel better, and by emotionally eating the only person I am hurting is me.

Love is a two way street, phones work both ways, and in any relationship there needs to be effort on both sides, or the relationship will cease to exsist. But maybe that is what some people want. And with out having to say a word two people that loved (family or friend) each other so much will never speak again because neither side wants to be the first to give in.

I never want to give in, and I always want to be right even when I know I am wrong.I am so lucky to have a husband that push's past my barriers and breaks me down so I can release my inner pain.

I know it sounds lame but when I am super upset I write everything down. I just want to get it out there and off my mind. It works sometimes. I don't know if anyone out there has serious issues, but if you do please know that you are not alone.