So much going on in my mind and I just really need an outlet.
One of my greatest friends right now is going through something extremely terrible. A "boy" she put two years of her life into (who cheated and pushed her away) is now engaged to someone he has known for 6 months. The break up was really hard for her and this guy has balls enough to come into chili's and pick fights with her about her awesome new haircut. I was the same way only I was a teenager losing my high school love (which is my husband). I felt crushed from the inside out. I faked my way through conversations and acted like I was okay and moving on. I never moved on. I always had hope that one day we would be back together. When I saw him it crushed me. I would cry for days, binge drink and eat, escape away with my FWB...basically do anything unhealthy to numb the pain. Everything any guy had done to me before then had seemed meaningless. When she told me last night that she had found out he had gotten engaged I could not help but feel this guy should be hit by a BIG truck.
Of course before that I was throwing my own pity party because I had seriously lost all motivation for myself and had gotten completely stressed out about christmas. I know this time of year is coming EVERY single year and yet I never prepare. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to give and even more so to the ones that I love and care about. My mind out spends my budget though. Not to mention the people that are renting out house from what I gather have decided not to renew their lease and I am terrified that they are going to skip out on rent which makes me scared I will have to use our christmas money to pay the. I hate renting that house with a passion. I hate having to rely on strangers to do the right thing and pay rent. One day I know I will get screwed over. That is the nature of the renting beast. My kids asked for a few things for christmas this year and I want to make sure to get most of the things on the list. The list was 10 things. E is to young to make a list so K did..on there was
1. A trampoline
2. ariel salon with accesories
3. scooter with chalk
4. roller skates with pads
5.Princess Barbie house
6. Princess Dolls
7. Dress up
8. Makeup for her salon
9. Emma a 4 wheeler
10. Emma a shopping cart
we have gotten 2,8,9,10 and by black friday we will have gotten 1 and possibly the princess barbies. Some of these items will be saved for kylie's birthday which is just 2 weeks after christmas. SO MUCH STUFF AND NOT ENOUGH MONEY. So for the next 5 weeks we will be living on a strict budget so I can live debt free in January!
As for the working out...I lost faith and motivation in the process. I like to think I have a good support system at home but reality is...we all eat terrible and there are only two people in this house that have a high chance of workingout. I dont have a neighbor that says hey lets go for a run together. I wish my SIL was like that but she is really busy with her life and I get it. I can not rely on someone else to motivate me into doing the work. I have to want it. I forgot the whole reason I started this journey in the first place. It was for my kids. I wanted to be a good role model and show them that being active can always have positive results. I do not want them to ever have the weight issues I had growing up. So not that today is day one but I am choosing to step back from all the madness take a deep breath and start the day off right and positive.
So I am counting my calories. I took the girls on a mile walk...yes E and K walked an entire mile. I was so proud of them. Every bird chirping and leaf falling was pure bliss. We enjoyed the nature walk. This is what everyday should be like.
Well now that I am re-motivated, vented about my money/christmas issues, and vented over my distress for my friend I think I can live the rest of the day with a free mind.
Have a great day everyone!
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