My fingers gently caress the wrinkles in my forehead as tears stream down my cheeks into my palms, down my wrists and forearms, into the crease of my elbow, making it's final resting place my jeans. I am not talking. I am still. Trying to keep my husband from Hearing my sobs I try to breathe. Why do I perform this act of self sabotage EVERY time?
Just days ago I proclaimed this weeks butt kicking. I felt strong. Then I made excuses. I was tired, I worked late, or I got busy. 4 days...that's how long it has been since my last sweat. I can't make time for a 12 minute mile but I can eat two servings of eminems?? What the hell. Reality is I am stressing over money.
I am at that stage where I can buy new cloths. I can treat myself to new shoes or workout cloths. I have earned them. But honestly....the money is not there. I had to dip into my pimp cup for car repairs. I was up to 126.00...enough for a new outfit and 4.00 away from my running shoes. I was discouraged. I acted okay but really I was discouraged. That goal cup is my motivation. Every quarter or dollar in that cup I earned. I do also put 10% of my daily earnings in there as a little extra christmas money but I know that money will be spent on fun. No regrets, no bills, no gas money. Just good feelings.
Tonight laying in bed feeling sorry for myself I decided 4 days was enough pity party for me. Out of the 126 that belongs in that jar I replaced 106. Tomorrow I will put the other 20 and the other money I will earn.
Here's to making tomorrow a success!
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