Self Discovery and falling in love everyday (my 100th post)

These past few weeks have been crazy. I CRUSHED my weight goal this past weekend. In case you forgot my goal was 145...I now weigh 143.8. I feel great. In honor of my new accomplishment I went and had some blonde put in my hair. I feel amazing, sexy, happy, and those don't even begin to cover it.

So these past few weeks I have been a totally bad girl doing things I NEVER do. I had a girls night that was fabulous until it reached 2 AM and my husband was frantic. I have been drinking a lot, not sleeping, and forgetting to eat. I have reached a time in my life where it's time to grow up and change the things I have been complaining about for years. I need to quit blaming my husband, dad, mom, or whatever for all the things wrong in my life.

I discovered I really like Texas country. Who would have thought? I have been spoon feed bands like Alice in Chains and Nirvana and honestly while some of their songs are great I don't like them at all. I just liked them because my husband liked them. I have discovered that I am sooo much stronger and more determined then I ever thought I was. I have settled for so long. I always did what everyone else thought I should do, or I pleased...Like my hair for example. I always ask everyones opinions on my hair. But friday I took lead and surprised several people by just doing what I wanted. It totally paid off and I met some awesome people making it happen.

In case some of you dont know me or follow here's some back ground. I met my husband when I was 15. I was so into him. everything he did I wanted to be into. I guess you could say I altered myself to fit him. When we broke up my heart was broke but I had the most wonderful friends that picked me up and helped me party it out in style. I came back to me. I sang really loud in the car (even though I am terrible at it), I met new people, dated new people, and had new experiences...for about a year. Then ray came back into my life. I wanted him. He was mine and I was not letting him go this time. We ended up getting married when I was 18. I choose that life. I didn't want to go to clubs, dancing, or whatever it was single people were doing. I wanted to cuddle on the couch and watch movies while drinking beer. ( I have discovered I really like wine and I love Lime in my Coors light). We had two kids and kind of lost that sense of adventure. I started working out, going back for my education, and decided this year was the year I was going to make my dreams happen. I am going to be the me that I always wanted to be. Lucky for me I have the most supportive family but a fantastic group of friends that encourage me every step of the way. If I did not have their amazing encouragement I would not be discovering the new me that I love so much. Happy can not begin to describe how I have felt these past few weeks.

I kind of started a new motto...if I enjoyed doing it when I was kid I am going to do it at 25. This includes but is not limited to...Playing tag, whispering secrets, hugging, making lame jokes, dancing in the middle of the street, spinning really fast until I fall down, laying in a field looking at the stars cuddled with the one that makes my heart skip a beat. I want to remember what it is like to fall in love everyday.

So here's the deal. The drinking thing is done. Occasionally girls nights and BBQ'S will require drinks (dont be sad BB and MB) so I will have to show some people how drinking is done but I want to start racing again which means a healthy diet and plenty of exercise. I am working on the falling in love everyday thing so I will keep you posted. Last night I got to dance to "my feet don't touch the ground" by stoney Larue (now one of my favorite songs). It was really sweet and made me laugh..awkward at first but who doesn't want to dance in a random place. I dont know what I am going to do to fall in love today but the sky is the limit.