Out of anger

I am totally writing this because I am soooo mad at myself. Let me start at the beginning. I am going through some marital issues and have decided I am taking this time to figure me out. In that process I find myself waiting by the phone for a text, not sleeping, eating a lot then not eating, and drinking a lot. The amount I drank last night could have knocked a grown man out but let me give you an idea. 2 double patron, 1 single patron, jäger bomb, tall beer, presidente, el niño, and two other fruit drinks. I could barely speak. I hate myself for doing that. I know better. This is not even close To the person I want to be. Why am I doing this. I am tired of waiting by my phone...that's not living life. I had plans...no way I am going to be all talk. The drinking HAS to stop I don't have an option if I want to get where I want mentally and physically. I am ready to kill it in the gym I just need or want something to look forward to as motivation. So tonight I am going to find that motivation. Out with the old in with the new.