When you lose yourself

Topic: Have you ever stopped being yourself to be the version of you someone else wants?

Think about it. When I was growing up I always wondered what I would look like. Would I be successful? Would I have kids? Would I have a fancy house and car?

I do have kids, does that count? Or do I have all of the above but I am to busy comparing myself to others?

When I turned 25 I found myself wondering where all my adventure and imagination went. I wanted to rediscover myself before I turned 30. This of course (initially) caused complications in my marriage and with my friends. I quit drinking and suddenly I was bitter. I didn't even know what type of music I liked. I didn't know how I wanted to dress or how I wanted to do my hair. I still hadn't found my calling in life and I wasn't sure where I would be standing at 30, but I can say I saw myself in a negative light. Now all of this didn't just happen. When you find the love of your life at 15 you tend to mold yourself to what your spouse needs and wants. I hadn't become my own person yet and that's okay buy when you realize that you don't feel like you have an identity you will go through some emotional phases. I was "Ray's wife" or "K and E's mom". I never rocked the bar or club scene because in my mind that's for single people and those looking to cheat. I never went out and had "girls nights". I was responsible. I was an adult or at least the version of what I thought an adult was.

What did I do?

I had girl's nights. I started traveling and challenging my body physically. I discovered that I absolutely don't like bars and my opinion stands firm (unless my hubs comes with me). I am also an old lady and I like to be in bed at a decent hour. I love Disney everything. I have discovered that I have a voice. I said goodbye to the friends that couldn't be around me when I was sober. I have never been happier in my marriage. I know that I love ALL music. My favorite music though always involves the violin.

Style? I have not found that yet. I have dyed my hair every color sold in a box and as of 6-ish months ago I am as close to my natural hair color as I can get. Have I mentioned that I have gray hair? Clothing wise, I am not yet comfortable with my body to wear the clothes I would love to wear. Flats and athletic shoes are my thing, but I would like to rock some heels every now and then.

I have 1 year and 3 months until the dirty 30. I want to do something BIG. I want to blow my own mind. Traveling is on my agenda.

First Goal: DROP 30/40 pounds
Second Goal: Have a "ME" makeover (no plastic surgery)
Third Goal: Travel as much as possible with my family.

I need a "before I am 30" bucket list I think.

That will be my next blog post :)

Do you know who you are? Are you happy with what you have become?

If not......CHANGE IT!!!!