I pray I can...bless you teacher friends..

As I have mentioned several times I am TERRIFIED of failing. I quit before I get started or I give up halfway through so I don't have to be let down. This has been the case with my school. I am sure that I am driving all my friends and family banana's with all the switching of my majors just within the week.

I am terrified to do physical therapy even though I know I will be really good at it. School is 3 years longer and very competitive to get in. I feel like I need to be a genius and lets face reality I am far from that. SO I choose teaching. still a scary route because I am not walking across the stage with a job. Teaching although filling for some seems like so much work. I have to hand it to all my friends that are teachers. They are dedicated 10-12 hours a day if not more when they are a coach. I am sure it is gratifying. They do not get paid near as much as they should for their hours. Yesterday though I watched a woman my age cry for what seemed like forever because her job was one that did not make it. She had applied at daycares, and was then applying to waitress....ARE YOU KIDDING ME...I have been a waitress for 4 years now and the last thing I want to do when I graduate is to continue to be a waitress. So with that being said I am taking a huge step into the fear of failure and I am going to give this school thing a real shot in a major I am going to keep secret until the fall. I want to be sure it is the right thing for me and I make the grades I need. Please keep your fingers crossed as I venture into the unknown!

Weigh in 6/3

Official weigh in this morning...

Let me start off by saying I have been REALLY bad. I have not worked out in at least two weeks. My eating has not been terrible but it has been no where near great. I have been working a lot and trying to clean and be a little active at home. I have been swimming, and fishing so I think its safe to say I have burned a few calories.

That being said I have been able to maintain my weight at 154.4. I want to be 145 by June 24 when my husband sweeps me off for an adventure for our anniversary. That only gives me 21 days to get off some pounds. I however am not going to push it. I know that weight will come off when I put the work into it. You can not expect to lose weight if you are not willing to do the work. I am great at making excuses. I am to tired, to busy, do not feel like it, and the list goes on. What makes losing weight so hard is the excuses we make to ourselves. As I have mentioned before I am terrified of failure. Keeping all this in mind I am going to try really hard this next week...I just want to see what the scale will say if I give my all for just a week...Stay tuned for next Friday's weigh in!!

And PLEASE feel free to encourage me and help me stay on track!!

My Summer Fun to do list

1. Take a boxing class (the kind with gloves and everything!)
2. I want to go rock climbing indoors (I am terrified of heights)
3. I want to go see cowboy stadium (I can not afford to go see a game)
4. Run a race at night (June 4th with the famous Brittney!)
5. GO to a drag queen show (I think that will be super fun)
6. Kayaking this summer (I loved it last year)
7. Follow through with INSANITY to get rid of some of this baby pudge
8. Take a cooking or baking class (make something out of the ordinary)
9. Go ice skating for the first time
10. Paintball with the famous Brittney
11. Take a spur of the moment trip somewhere I have never been.
12. Considering doing a night run on the beach with Brittney in Galveston August 13th!!

I know I will add to this list but that is just a few things I would like to do this summer...I am going to be busy!!

My perfect summer...NOT

My summer has officially started and I have managed to not workout and stress about money and school. I have tried to make plans of attack but at every corner I am defeated. I have tried taking different approachs and expect a different outcome and that has not worked. I have lost motivation and for some reason I feel like I am okay with being defeated. Two weeks ago I was raving about starting Insanity and going to college next fall. Until I met with advisors at UNT I thought I had everything figured out but man was I wrong. My choice to do physical therapy was botched when an advisor told me that it was highly unlikely that I would be accepted into a program due to my grades. So I changed back to teaching which is what I originally wanted to do anyways. My though process was that if I do something that i LOVE it will show in my grades and in my personality and a person hiring would see that. Then the advisor told me I would need to change my major. I was not prepared for that at all. I was in love with my major. I was excited about it and soooo looked forward to it. Why were they trying to shatter my dreams? Then I asked my friends what they thought. Being realistic like they are they said the same thing the advisor said. In the end I was unwilling to accept that I was being forced and encouraged to do something that I really didnt want to do and even I was making excuses to be unhappy. After much thought I went with what my heart told me to do. I may be jobless when I graduate but so are thousands of other people. I have to hope that eventually the economy will get better and there will be a need for me somewhere in this world.

As you can tell this alone has made me feel sorry for myself and a little on the depressed side. I hate not having a plan or something that is a for sure thing but I keep telling myself that if I do not try I will never know if I would have succeeded or not.

House # 2 that we picked.

We have had a dream house picked out for a while and hung on our wall for inspiration but when I saw this house on the cover of a book I fell in love instantly with it. So now we have two house plans picked out (and this one is my favorite!)..Tell me what you guys think..

This last house was a picture that I found on google. A couple actually built the house and posted pictures of the entire process. The last picture was the house after it was built.

New Stuff

So I am doing some soul searching and decided to start changing things up a bit. I love my friends and family that read this so I am going to start putting everything I want to put on this blog...almost like a journal I guess. Finished posts and stuff will be up tonight!

I did not care UPDATE 5/19

It has been almost 2 weeks since my last update. I have been thinking about my blog and what I might write that's motivational but had nothing.

One item of good news: I GRADUATED NCTC MAY 13, 2011 (WITH AN ASSOCIATES TO SCIENCE)!! Best night ever but not for my diet!!

Let me start at the beginning of the two weeks. I was bogged down with finals, work, kids, and everything else. I decided that I did not have time to try and eat well and exercise. To be flat out honest I made excuses. I was in a rush, I was to busy, I did not have time, if I don't work out today I for sure will tomorrow...those were just a few that topped my list. I ate out what feels like everyday, started drinking sodas, quit counting calories, and worked out maybe twice. I had also let money get in the way of my happiness. I am one of those people that have to have a cushion in case something happens and when I do not I tend to freak out. I had been spending money like crazy doing family stuff, eating out, and buying the kids stuff I swear they needed. So it should come as no surprise when at my friday weigh in I was 160.6 pounds. That would be 6 pounds more then at my weigh in two weeks before. I felt awful. How the hell could I let this happen? All the hard work I had put in was unraveled in two weeks.

This summer I created a to do list. On that list was follow through with insanity, kayaking, paintballing, running a night race, etc... So this monday I decided what the hell do I have to lose except weight. Me and my husband sat down and made a budget and huge goals for our financial future.

Monday morning I weighed in at 160.6. I at good started my insanity (currnetly on day 8), going back to the gym, working as many day shift as I can, and eating healthy. We have been cooking dinner at home and it has been wonderful. Soo I weighed myself this morning and so far I am back down to 156.2...that is 4.4 pounds in 3 days!! That may be just water weight but I am completely okay with that. I did take before pictures for my insanity progress pictures so hopefully I will see a difference.

I have not posted any pictures in a while so here a just a few!