My 30th Birthday is rapidly approaching and I can honestly say that I NEVER expected for my life to take the direction it is currently taken.

I am FINALLY leaving Chili's! It's been 10 years. I have left a few times but I always returned because it was what I knew and was comfortable with. Why do I get to make this leap? My husband and of course my family but also I am leaving to finish out my SENIOR year in college. That's right...I am finally finishing what I started so long ago. I didn't have confidence before. I had this huge fear that I was going to fail and everyone would be pointing and laughing while saying "I knew she would be a failure". Fear of failing is a HUGE thing for me. This weird thing happened though, I woke up one day and said to myself "If I don't do something now, I will never make a difference for my family". Right now my job is to be there for my kids. I show up to every event, provide every party with requested supplies, and do whatever is asked of me by my kiddos. However, I am the mother of two growing girls who need clothes, shoes, an astronomical amount of food, and eventually they will need tampons, bras, cars, and lets not forget that the price tag on college is forever growing. My family has needs. My husband is amazing. He's not a desk type of guy. He loves manual labor, being outside, and not only is he reliable but he's honest. That's rare and in the past his loyalty was taken advantage of, but right now he has a job that he likes and would work at forever if he was allowed. The problem? He has a bum knee and manual labor takes it's toll on anyone. I want to provide him financially with the time he needs off in order to have his knee surgery. I want him to be able to take a vacation paid or unpaid and not bat an eyelash about it.

I am going off topic...

I am finishing my education and praying that an amazing internship finds me. A fear I have is being hired for a job that I don't have any clue how to do, but I have faith that I will manage no matter what I find myself doing next May.

Another thing I am doing is finding my groove in life. I found a church that I really love going to. I listen to every word spoken in the sermon and I always take away a little piece of God's word that gets me through the week. My daughters were baptized which means more to me than I had anticipated. I started reading more, doing a daily devotional, and rededicating myself to my workouts (just this week actually).

I think when it came to my health that I was going about it all wrong. I love fitness but I wasn't in love with fitness. The thought of working out just exhausts me. I also sweat so that means I have to shower and redo my hair and re-primp. It's a lot of work. I lost weight and worked out before to escape. This time I want it to be apart of my everyday life and my journey. I have so many goals and the transformation of me is truly just beginning!!

Before I'm 30

These are just a few :)

When you lose yourself

Topic: Have you ever stopped being yourself to be the version of you someone else wants?

Think about it. When I was growing up I always wondered what I would look like. Would I be successful? Would I have kids? Would I have a fancy house and car?

I do have kids, does that count? Or do I have all of the above but I am to busy comparing myself to others?

When I turned 25 I found myself wondering where all my adventure and imagination went. I wanted to rediscover myself before I turned 30. This of course (initially) caused complications in my marriage and with my friends. I quit drinking and suddenly I was bitter. I didn't even know what type of music I liked. I didn't know how I wanted to dress or how I wanted to do my hair. I still hadn't found my calling in life and I wasn't sure where I would be standing at 30, but I can say I saw myself in a negative light. Now all of this didn't just happen. When you find the love of your life at 15 you tend to mold yourself to what your spouse needs and wants. I hadn't become my own person yet and that's okay buy when you realize that you don't feel like you have an identity you will go through some emotional phases. I was "Ray's wife" or "K and E's mom". I never rocked the bar or club scene because in my mind that's for single people and those looking to cheat. I never went out and had "girls nights". I was responsible. I was an adult or at least the version of what I thought an adult was.

What did I do?

I had girl's nights. I started traveling and challenging my body physically. I discovered that I absolutely don't like bars and my opinion stands firm (unless my hubs comes with me). I am also an old lady and I like to be in bed at a decent hour. I love Disney everything. I have discovered that I have a voice. I said goodbye to the friends that couldn't be around me when I was sober. I have never been happier in my marriage. I know that I love ALL music. My favorite music though always involves the violin.

Style? I have not found that yet. I have dyed my hair every color sold in a box and as of 6-ish months ago I am as close to my natural hair color as I can get. Have I mentioned that I have gray hair? Clothing wise, I am not yet comfortable with my body to wear the clothes I would love to wear. Flats and athletic shoes are my thing, but I would like to rock some heels every now and then.

I have 1 year and 3 months until the dirty 30. I want to do something BIG. I want to blow my own mind. Traveling is on my agenda.

First Goal: DROP 30/40 pounds
Second Goal: Have a "ME" makeover (no plastic surgery)
Third Goal: Travel as much as possible with my family.

I need a "before I am 30" bucket list I think.

That will be my next blog post :)

Do you know who you are? Are you happy with what you have become?

If not......CHANGE IT!!!!

Why do you do it?

I was asked a question today that truly startled me a bit.

"What have you learned and why do you even do it", said a girl in the most condescending tone. 

I could only laugh while looking at the girl and because I am trying to build my faith I will not comment on her appearance and obvious lack for her own health. 

I have learned more than I can ever convey in one solid post, but I will try. 

It started with the loss of my first "real" pregnancy. A child. A heart that was supposed to beat and didn't. No solid answer so it must have been me right? My weight had to be the issue..I was disgusted with my body. Little did I know that stretch marks and morbid obesity was in my near future. My initial goal was to lose weight and conceive a child. BAM....I child conceived...deep fear instilled. I know it's not scientifically possible to jiggle your unborn child out of you, but I just knew that I would if I did ANY sort of movement of the exercise nature. 80 pounds later a beautiful baby was born. 

Fast forward. I was 240 pounds and carrying a car seat. It winded me with every step. I had a mental breakdown outside of an old navy because I had to purchase the biggest pair of pants they sold and they only had them because an online order was returned. The thought of running or walking outside for people to see disgusted me. I could only think of my fat jiggling everywhere for everyone to point at and laugh at. My husband being a super sweet man bought me a treadmill for me to "start" my weight loss journey. Have I mentioned stretch marks? They were everywhere. I am pretty sure I have some between my toes.  Running, at home videos, lack of sleep, and breastfeeding got me down to a less flabby 160. 

I am guessing you know what happens next. If you are thinking that I peed on a stick and there were two pink lines... you would be correct. Number 2 was on its way. This time I was more active and tried to eat better. I only gained 45 pounds. 

fast forward. fast forward. fast forward. 

Two gorgeous girls. 2 half marathons. 1 triathlon. 87 (I am just guessing) 5k's and I was at 160 pounds again and wanting desperately to lose the "last 10 pounds". 

I have been through marriage issues, body issues, faith issues, food issues, and friend issues. 

This is what I have learned. 

You have to have control over yourself. You can't control Becky and Jesse (I may be watching full house) across the street. When starting your journey you have to get your mind right and make a decision. My decision was building the strength of my family and myself. I wanted to build my faith with my lord and savior. I wanted to show my girls what a strong woman looked like. I have battles everyday. Do you know how hard it is not to graze when you work at chili's? 

But the best tip of all........

Surround yourself with people that are going in the direction that you are going. If you want to be more Christ like, surround yourself with people that you admire in that aspect. Don't associate with people that make you feel less than amazing. I have had those friends that didn't influence me in a positive way. I have had friends that treated me like dirt. I have had friends that used me. 

I am so lucky to have the most amazing circle right now. My husband, family, kids, and friends are all extremely supportive of EVERY decision I make. 

The journey that I am on right now is one of self discovery. I am finding out what my purpose is in life and why god put me on this earth. I am also being the best mom, wife, and friend I can be.

Why do I do it? I want to inspire and help anyone and everyone that needs and wants it. I want people to know that there is someone else out there on this messy ride of life. I want people to know that it is okay to shake things up, find new friends, and discover one's self. 

I can't wait to share all of this current path that I am on. 

STAY TUNED!

Week 2 Day 1

1 week weigh in = -2.8 pounds (that is .8 more than my goal of 2 pounds a week)

Now for the honest part. I ate pizza, chocolate, soup, and had a beer or two with my husband. I also worked out once. I try to moderate the unhealthy food though and instead of drinking a beer every night, I saved it for one night. I also cooked healthy food like asparagus soup.

I am planning a surprise my little pony party for E. We had a 4 day weekend due to "snow" days (more like ice days). Then K got sick, we sat at urgent care, and she has severe strep and is not allowed at school until Friday. Lucky her. I also did the heart hustle at my daughters school to try and earn them these little charms they get to put on necklaces for PE. They really love those charms.

We started Spring Madness with my team this week and so far it has been great. I have girls truly getting out of their comfort zone. It's amazing to see people set these goals and then you see them just attacking. You know they have a future and you know they are going somewhere with what they are doing. There may be an excuse along the way but those are far and few. I also adore the ones that set weight goals. Getting texts about 5 pounds lost or even 1 pound makes me teary eyed. Sometimes it's the 1 pound difference that spirals into something amazing like a 5k or a new pair of jeans. I love helping people reach their goals.

My focus this week is to get in 3/4 workouts, take the gallon challenge everyday, and focus on healthier eating. This week will also be a beer free week! I am excited to see what the results will be from that.

This morning I started reading my "For Women Only" book. I just couldn't stop myself from opening the book that will help me understand my husband more. Transparency? From the issues we have had in the past I have taken on this controlling nature that I can't stand. Relinquishing though is harder because I want to know that everything will be taken care of. I guess at some point I stopped feeling that way and I have consumed and stressed myself. I really am trying to work on his needs. I know I am not the wife that I want to be and my goal is to focus on our relationship. R is my best friend and I would never want him to feel otherwise. I want him to be excited to come home. I am not a "leave it to beaver" kind of wife but I would love smiles on everyone's faces when they come home!

Another thing is my bible study. I want to focus more on that daily and what I get from it. Starting my day off with a little guidance always does wonders for me.

Today's verse is Psalm 28:7...The Lord is my strength and my shield..my hear leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. The daily reflection talks about fitness and moving towards joy. Find something that excites you and makes you happy doing it. If you hate cardio with every fiber of your being...don't do it. You might love swimming. Do swimming. I love running, but I also want to see if there is something out there that overwhelms me with joy. I like riding bikes and oddly I love the stairclimber! I want to try some classes and go from there. Stay tuned for those shenanigans.

Here's some clips from this past week!

Beginning Week 1

This week has been a relief.

It was the first week of my just picking up shifts. That means I am not the first server to work and I am not leaving at 4 or 5 in the afternoon and trying to do all of my errands. It has been beautiful and amazing. I have been able to read, practice yoga, clean, grocery shop in peace, plan a surprise birthday party, go to a ladies event, work on myself, do my bible study, and work on my advocare business.

Let's start with my weight. All in all, I have gained close to 40 pounds. Things happen. I wouldn't call gaining weight back after a huge loss a failure. I would call it a setback. You only fail if you quit and I am no quitter. TRUTH: I LOVE FOOD. I also HATE having a bum hip that takes away the very thing that gave me sanity (running). What does those two things combined mean? It mean's that I am slightly crazy and due to me losing my sanity I emotionally eat. I am not the only one right? The first step to beating your addiction is admitting that you have a problem.

Hi my name is Leanne Hood and I am addicted to food, except anything healthy in nature. It must be fried, sweet, or covered in cheese....okay it can be a processed carb as well.

Now onto the saving myself from complete destruction.

Where to start. Well I knew on my "second time around" journey that I wanted to strengthen my relationship with the man upstairs. I convinced my husband that The Daniel Plan was the best way to do that, so I bought the book, journal, and cookbook. I knew that I there was something inside of me not whole and that is why I struggle the way I do.

I weighed and did my measurements, I set goals for myself (small and large), I set up rewards that were doable for me, and I read my daily reflection.

My Goals.
1. Lose 34 pounds by my 10 year anniversary. (that is 17 weeks with an average of 2 pounds lost a week)

2. Pin gold by my 10 year anniversary (and be knocking on 3-star gold's door). This means that I can be a stay at home mom with absolutely no financial worries. I get to spend the summer with my kids!

3. I want to workout at least 4 times a week and one of those times I want my kids involved. They love yoga so that may be the best way to get a family workout in.

4. Tithe. I had a sermon completely reach my heart 3 weeks ago and we have been tithing ever since. All of our bills have been paid and amazing things keep happening for us. God truly blesses you when you live by his word.

5. Journal and do my bible study every single day.

The Daniel Plan has a score sheet so you can analyze where you are in life and how you feel about those 5 key aspects. My scores were all pretty close except fitness. My biggest passion has now become the thing I am most unhappy about. My focus is now on fitness and my spiritual relationship.

I know in my journey (as before when I quit drinking) that I will lose friends. I am completely and utterly okay with that. That only means that those people will not help me in the direction that I am going, and lets face it...I am going in an amazing direction. (how can I not?)

I already look back and tear up at my day 1 reflection. The question, How do I feel?
I wrote, " I feel out of breath, not pretty and not sexy in anyway shape or form. I feel fat, and depressed because I can't wear any of my beautiful clothes. I feel like I am an awful example to my children.

WOW...
How far I have come in just 5 short days. Now let me flip all of what I had wrote into the positive way I now see things. I gave up focusing on myself to focus on others and my children. They love that I make the lunches, they can count on me to be at school events, that I look for the undies and random toys. E loves that I pick up all of her messes while I am telling her to pick up her mess. K loves that I scratch her back or rub her feet while we sit and all watch Jessie, Girl meets world, or Dual Survival together. My husband thinks I am gorgeous and EVERY stretch mark I own I know was because I was so TERRIFIED of losing K. I know that suffering miscarriages made me hold my tummy while I slept and in my mind made me be completely sedentary while I made the " I am pregnant so I will enjoy all foods" card. I gained 80 pounds of pure warmth and cushion for her to survive. I did, at the time, the only thing I knew to do to keep her safe. I LOVE my stretch marks.  love my eyes because they speak truth. I love my hair because it is thick and strong. I love my legs because all though out of breath I can lift my 70 pound daughter when she is sick or sad and carry her up the stairs to bed. My pretty clothes hanging up are now my inspiration. I have a clean slate to start over.

Things can be ugly, negative and messy if you let it, but you should truly look at all the beautiful things your brain, heart, and body can accomplish or has accomplished.

You can start your journey any day of the week. Mine started on a Wednesday.

Weigh in is in 2 days!!

Parenting

I am sitting here doing research while reading and I have discovered that sometimes what people say they want they don't actually want. They don't have purpose and the purpose they think that have they don't truly have motivation for. I have been there many times. Some people don't want out of their circumstances. They love their lives exactly the way it is and there is nothing about it that they would change. They have reached "life perfection" if you will.

Sadly, I have not reached "perfection" yet. I don't really care what car I drive  (okay maybe I do) or what clothes I wear. I don't care about my shoes (okay I care about my shoes a little bit) or my purse (Is a tote bag considered a purse?). What I do care about is my kids and traveling. I want my kids, husband, and myself to see every part of the world that our hearts desire. I want them to see disney, mountains, oceans, islands, glaciers, and wildlife. I want them to meet people from all walks of life so in their grownup life they are well rounded individuals with open minds. I want them to see all the beauty that god created for them to see. I want to raise them. I don't want daycare's, grandparents, or television raising my children. It's hard researching and seeing how much parents are away from their children. It means they have little impact on how their lives turn out as adults. Literally, parents have everything working against them.

Ideas pressed upon their children by teachers and other children. Drugs, sex, and violence thrust upon every television network. Children developing mommy or daddy issues due to them being absent. It's crazy the little things that have a physiological effect on our children.

Side note: a personal pet peeve of mine is when a parent rants about how they work 80 hours a week, they are asleep before their children wake up, and they don't get home until their kids are asleep....and yet the little time they have on the weekend they spend with their friends out drinking instead of making an impression on the young minds staring at them for acceptance and love. WHY???? Are you friends really that important to you? I get date nights, but every weekend? You are creating a pattern for your children. They need you. Stick around for a little bit and I bet your child can blow your mind with all that they have learned in your absence.

I am completely getting off on a tangent here....

The point is that I have not reached that life perfection that I have been seeking. I haven't become a stay at home mom and I haven't traveled the world with my family, but I can proudly say I am closer than I was a year ago, a month ago, or even a day ago. I am constantly moving forward, researching, and developing ideas.

The question I ask to others are...Are you happy? Are you stuck or pressing forward? Are you getting to be the person or the parent you always thought you would be? Are you achieving/reaching your purpose?

The Real Reason

Two years ago my marriage and life was falling apart. The only thing I could possibly control was my body. I knew that I had pushed myself before and I knew I could do it again. In this determination to brutalize myself, I got down to my lowest weight ever in the history of my memory. Yes, I know at some point I was a size 8 in high school, but I can't even remember where I put my car keys 20 minutes ago so just go with me on this.

I started going to marriage counseling and focusing on what was wrong internally with me. What on earth does that mean? It means I quit working out after my half marathon. My hip was shot, I was exhausted, and honestly I just love food that is really terrible to/for the human body.

Gradually, I became happier. I was laughing, not drinking, playing with my kids, planning vacations, and I was kicking "the struggle's" BUTT. The friends worth having absolutely stuck by my side and never let me feel that my decision to become "a whole person" was an inconvenience to them.

Here's the tough part....

In that quest to become whole I ate a TON of amazing food. I mean smothered in butter and spices. Cajun food. Tex-Mex food. Burgers. Pizza. New restaurants. Old restaurants. It didn't matter, if there was food than I was there. If you have kept up with my story you have now discovered that not only did I quit my quest for 6pack abs but I also put on a few pounds. 34.6 to be exact. I would love to say it is not all my fault because I had some hormone issues and vitamin issues, but I knew that the bulk of my weight gain was all me. I decide.

So what now? Where do I go from here? How do I start again? Well the husband and I are on a mission. That is another post, but I got back on the supplements that were made to help me achieve my goals. I started researching. I started preparing.

So now that you know the reason that I have to start completely over, are you ready to hear and see the answer to my problem?

My Dream and My Future

What do I want to do with my life?

Help people who were just like me 6 years ago. Having miscarriages and being a high risk pregnancy is a super tough thing. I knew so badly that I wanted to be a mother that I would have done anything. That includes sitting on the couch with minimal activity for fear that I would jiggle my little love bundle out of me. Oh wait....that is exactly what happened. Yep, I gained a whooping 80 pounds with my first pregnancy. I wasn't even worried about it because I just knew I would lose 20 pounds in the hospital. Whoever spoon fed me that lie..I am looking for you. The stress of being a new mom, not eating, not sleeping, and breastfeeding helped me lose about 40 pounds. After, it was all determination to quit wearing maternity pants that got me through to another 20 pound loss. Before I knew it I was pregnant again. This time I gained another whooping 60 ish pounds. At this point I was so ashamed of my body that I had a nervous breakdown outside of an old navy in Sherman, Texas. I was mortified to run outside for fear that someone would point and laugh. I didn't want to go to a gym because I felt I didn't belong there. Thank God for an amazing and supportive husband who went out and bought me a treadmill and let me accumulate enough equipment to workout at home. I started researching how to work certain body parts and how to eat healthy. Magazines and DVD's piled up from all of the things I wanted to try and eventually I realized that I had a passion developing.

Fast forward...short version...I became a personal trainer, let my certification go due to me providing services for free, started running half marathons, did my first triathlon, acquired a hip injury, went back to school with a major in business, kept waitressing, foreclosed on our house, moved to the country, lost weight, put on weight, started my Advocare journey, worked on my marriage, and finally worked on me. The working on me thing is still a work in progress.

Now, I have been working on what I truly want to do. Free or not. My mission is to help every single mom out there with the same struggles. I believe that there should be a place or a person that soon to be moms, pregnant women, or mom's who just had a baby can go to for information, seminars, fitness classes, and I also think it would be awesome to have a place that fully catered to the new mom. I dream about it most nights. I didn't have a place like that. I didn't have someone that could teach me how to make baby food, that could teach me how to alleviate back pain while pregnant, and I didn't have someone helping me to remain fit during pregnancy so I could bounce back after pregnancy. Information was minimal.

What steps am I taking? Currently I am studying my little heart out. After the first of the year I will be getting my PT certification, group certification, and pre/post natal certification. As that is occurring I will start building awareness. I have set up all of my social media sites except twitter and I will continue to build my webpage..(which I have to research as well because I have no idea how to build a webpage).

I can't wait to show people what I have been working on.

blah sauce/ day 17 of challenge

I got up this morning just the way I promised myself I would. Positive. My husband let me sleep in which I must say was wonderful. I put some cute curls in my hair and watched some spongebob with my baby girl. I was chipper when I got in the car to go to work. I kept my positive outlook all day at work. I ate well and kept drinking my water. I was sooo proud of myself....until I got the message that my daughters tball had been canceled. I hadn't brought my gym bag because I thought I wouldn't have time to go to the gym. I was mad at myself for not being prepared. I made pretty good money so even when I left work I felt that I had achieved my goal for the day when it came to work. When I got home I jumped out of the car and LEFT my phone there. That's right...I left my phone. My daughter had a friend over for a play date and I immediately jumped in on the action. We played baseball and rode 4 wheelers. I again was reaching my goal of steering away from technology when I was home. I was sweating and starting to get ready to workout when my dear father in law invited us for dinner. I knew that I would not make a good decision wherever we went and like a DA I went anyways. I wont say what I ate but lets just say it did not fall in my 100% category of my goals. If I was keeping score at this point I would be 1/1. Then I got home. I knew that the only thing I had left was to workout. I seriously started. I made it halfway through my first round and said...nope. My legs and arms hurt like something fierce and my body was saying...no was jose. I am making excuses at this point. I could have pushed through, but I didn't. So lets make that one win and two fails. I did manage to put in my advocare order and make a few bucks. I will count that as a win. Now for some cuddle time. Good night all.

Writing down my priorities/goals

Goals are simple. Making them is simple. Implementing them and following through is the hard part. I keep adding to my list of things that I am doing and all I wanted was simple. My ultimate goal was to spend the summer getting the body that I've  always dreamed of, paying off all our debt (with the exception of the car), and saving money to completely pay for my school summer and fall. My goals have not started off great because I included May in that equation. Ray gets paid tomorrow and we will finally be done catching up from our trip to DC. I hate how everything worked out money wise, but I had so much fun in DC and would not change anything. That being said I feel like I have been so busy that my priorities have been in the wrong place.

The lights of my life are K and E. Their smile makes everything seem faded and distant. On my worst day I can come home and hear the girls call my name with excitement...at that very moment my heart melts. They don't care how much money I make right now. They don't care about my personal achievements right now. They don't care about my cloths or if my hair is blonde or brown. All they want is my time. The list in my life should go....Family, work, working out...then all the other random stuff I will call fillers. I know some of my friends will be like "F you, I am no filler", but until you have kids and a man that adores your every move, you will never understand what I mean by that statement. I love my friends I don't want anyone to misconstrue that, but friends should never be at the top of anyone's priority list. Church is entwined in all of my priorities so I don't want anyone trying to throw that in my face. I am really trying to be a better person not just for myself but for K and E.

Where does a person start with goals? For me it is making that list of priorities and going from there.

1. Family- My marriage is better then it has ever been. I used to resent Ray for everything that had gone wrong instead of accepting, learning, and moving on. Until you learn forgiveness you have nothing in your life. You cannot change/control the things that have already happened. What you can do Is change how you react to them and how your future will be effected. If I chose to stay mad at Ray then I chose to be mad??? Who wants to be mad?? My goal with my marriage is to try and remember to forgive the little things because that is exactly what they are...little things. Tomorrow is undetermined and I need to quit living like I know what is going to happen. That's god's job. Another goal is to be less connected. Put my phone up when I get home. My kids deserve all of me. Not part of me. Right now sometimes when they talk I don't hear them. I am missing things. I am missing the most important part of my life due to technology. They are only little like this for a short time. What have I been thinking?? Oh yeah...my friends have been at the top of my list. All they want to do is color, play pretend, watch spongebob, paint nails, and jump on the trampoline with me. Starting tomorrow....When I get home I am disconnecting. Anyone who really needs me knows how to get ahold of me if it is important. When it is bedtime I will respond to texts. My girls deserve all of my time, and so does my amazing husband.

2. Work- I am lucky to have the job I have and I love it. I get off when I need, I have amazing managers that are more like friends (but I still respect them as authoritative figures). I have the opportunity to make insane money if I want. I get to be home with my family at night and I only work part time and make as much as some of my friends working full time. I want to be more appreciative and take the stupid people in stride. For instance people who stiff you on 50.00 tickets. It would be one thing if they vocalized dissatisfaction, but to tell me I did an amazing job and leave me nothing is a slap in the face. Instead of having an immediate rage out...I should ask myself.. Maybe they didn't expect their bill to be that much and they didn't have enough, maybe one person paid and someone else was supposed to leave the tip and didn't, maybe they don't know I make 2.13 an hour and they assume I make minimum wage. Sometimes it is not about my service and I need to not take it personal. It happens.  For every bad tipper I have a good one. Maybe not in the same night, but it all evens out. If I keep a smile on my face and stay positive good things will happen. So that is my goal for work. Be positive.

3. Working out- I have never put 100% ever. I cheat on my diet, make excuses, or just flat out get lazy and quit doing it. I make the mistake on relying on others to help motivate me. I have people that do motivate me but I don't need to base what I do around if they do something or not. If they eat something bad that does not give me the opportunity to do bad. I want to fully focus on my workouts. Go to the gym and out right kill it. I want to commit to short term goals. Day by day. I have been doing the day by day thing and for the past 4 days I have gone to the gym and destroyed my body parts. Tomorrow will be day 5, but my food and thought process will be more deliberate. I have 7 days left on my challenge and it will be the best 7 days ever!

My other goals will stay the same...
-I want to pay off my husbands birthday gift
-I want to save up enough money to pay for my school so I don't have to do payments and make things harder
-I want my Advocare business to turn into something amazing and I want that to happen while I am working on my body just so people can see what the products are capable of.
-I want to find a balance and reconnect with my friends. (I miss my friend TW)
-I want to engrave in my brain that I cannot please everyone, and those that love me will stick around because I am about to do some amazing things.
-I want my bachelors degree. I am never going to win the lottery so I need to make things happen.

Kudos- One of my goals has been to be a better role model. K and E are running their first 5k Saturday and K asked me today if she could get on a plane and do a race like mommy. I am doing my job as a parent if I am motivating her to be healthy and active. K told me today she wants to play sports and E told me she wants to tumble and do cheerleading like on TV. They also started doing horse lessons again. In love with those two little girls and their ambitions and I am so glad they have parents that encourage and love to watch them grow. When they tell me they want to do something I go out of my way to make it happen. I know some say I am spoiling them but I feel like I am giving them the world. I am giving the options to find out what they like and don't like.

So now.....My goal instead of Nike San Francisco....Its Disney Princess where the girls can both run and get medals. It is all about them. Time to do my devotional...Good night!! I will let you know how tomorrow goes :)

YURBUDS product review

When I was at the Nike Georgetown expo I discovered the yurbuds booth. The sad thing is that what drew me to that booth was the color of the headphones. They are my absolute favorite color. The headphones I had were black sony's and I literally had to wear a fleece headband to hold my headphones in while I ran. I didn't NEED new headphones but the bright color made me happy so I gravitated towards them. The sales guy asked if I knew about them and as I said know he asked if I wanted to try the out. WELL OF COURSE!! My inner child was giggling and jumping up and down. When he locked them into my ear I was sold. He didn't have to tell me anymore, but he did of course. Yurbuds lock into your ear so when you run the don't come out, the sound is amazing, and they have 3 options. You can get the generic pair (what I got) that work just like any other headphones. The upgrade from that is buttons on the cord that can change the song and volume. Some versions have the ability to take commands (change song, volume up). It works amazing with smart phones. The best version has all of the above and the cord is unbreakable and NEVER tangles. If it does they replace it for free. The only reason I got the generic was because I don't know how to use the voice command thing on my phone. I have an iphone 4, but if you have a 4s or 5 the upgrade is what you want to go with. These things are seriously AMAZING!!

Holy Mother's day weekend

This weekend was amazing and full of greatness. I got up early Saturday and hit the gym bright and early. I was so proud of myself but I still left the gym without doing squats. The machine was completely empty. I have no idea what was holding me back. I know that I could have done better and that is the part the frustrates me. After the gym time I rushed to get K for her game. She did some awesome until she was hit in the nose. There was blood everywhere, but she was so calm. She cried and she said it hurt a lot. All she wanted was her mommy which made me feel warm and fuzzy. Afterwards I saw my friend Tori that I had not seen since I left the surgical tech program. She looked amazing. We spent the rest of the afternoon together with the girls. When I finally got home I was exhausted and thanking god that K did not have a broken nose. Did I mention I got the most awesome octopus lunch stacker from target??

Sunday I perked right out of bed to get ready for church. K and E surprised me with their gift which was a pink kitchenaid food chopper. It was just what I wanted and had asked for. The sermon at church was amazing and When I got home all I wanted to do was eat and be lazy. Around 6 my husband decided it was time to sand down my dresser project. We decided that we would redo our room and started looking at paint colors. I took all the stuff off the walls, so now it looks big and completely naked. It was a great mothers day overall. Sad I didn't get to see my mom though.

Today was good. I went to work and was lucky to get someone to switch with me so I could leave early. I came home and hit the pavement. It was brutal and hot....but I kept at it. I lifted and killed my arms and knocked out two miles. Then it was time for the girls riding lesson with the beautiful Bella. Now I can barely keep my eyes open. Good times. Exhausted.

Friday Smiday

So after last night I was a bit on the shut down side. I was lucky I woke up to take K to school. I was so exhausted for some reason...maybe it was all that running I did in my dreams. When I dropped her off, I came straight home and cuddled the hubs. An hour later I was abruptly awoken by a ringing telephone. I knew that it was time to get up and get ready, and again I was sooooooooo darn itchy. My MBFF text me and honestly I was just in no mood to text how unpleasant my morning was going. I got to work and was ready to make money. I was out of sorts though and my friends could tell. I really think that me not doing my bible devotion in the morning is making for a rough start. Anyways the shift started smooth and I was getting some good tips. A cook didn't show and the kitchen tickets were 20-30 minutes, but my partner and I seemed pretty good at keeping our tables happy. When we cut everyone we got rocked but that made for a quick ending. I made good with my friends that I had been crappy to earlier in the morning and then left work with a good wad of cash. Have I ever mentioned that I HATE buying gas. It sucks. I made it home just in time to be late for K's T-ball practice. My car started overheating and my thermostat is sticking. Blah Blah Blah....Are we ready for today's positive yet?

While I was at work I got a surprise. One of my friends decided that she was going to join my advocare team. I cant tell you how awesome that is. I am so excited for her and cant wait to do some stuff together. She is going to do amazing and I know she will make some money!

Another one
of my really good friends is not only walking across stage to receive her associates degree, but she found out today that she was accepted into Tarelton. She is so phenomenal and she deserves every positive thing happening to her.

I made some super high goals for myself and I am not quite sure how to implement them but it is game on starting tomorrow...well given that this poison oak is a tad better. I was going to purchase all this new gym swag and decided that I wanted to earn it instead... I will post some pics of my motivation area and my goals when I am done :)

I will say that I am giving myself 12 weeks to hit this goal. They include mind, body, family, and financial goals.

well until tomorrow.

p.s. I tried on the shirt I created for the running team and I am in love. And today was day 10 of the challenge and the last day I had to drink that awful fiber drink!!!

a bit emotional

Seriously I have know idea why I am doing this. Why am I crying? From the moment that I woke up today I knew that this is how I would end up.

Rolling out of bed this morning I was itchy and upset. Who wants a rash all over their neck and back?? Its awful. My workouts have been nonexistent because when I get hot this stupid rash flares up and seems to spread. I started this 24 day challenge with a goal in mind and I am soooo mad that instead of going to the gym, I am staying sedentary. Its causing me to eat....and the foods that I am eating are not ideal for the challenge. I am disgusted and disappointed with myself. I have so many people looking to me for leadership and I cant even hold my sh*t together. When I pulled up to work this morning I saw my friends car. An immediate weight was lifted. I know that she will put a smile on my face with music, dancing, stupid humor, or talks of our venture into cinema. The shift was short lived and I was glad because my neck and chest itched like crazy. The Texas humidity is not helping either. On a positive note the team shirts were in and it put a little happiness into my heart to see them. Everything is coming together with the racing team. All the race coordinators have been contacted and I have been talking on the phone with them. They even want to meet us which I think is amazing. It was just a bright idea between two friends that turned into a way for people to be in a healthy, fun, and positive environment. Did I mention that people have started training and working out to get ready. Anyone who knows me knows that my heart is with my friends and family getting fit. Doing this makes me feel like I am important. On the way home for work it was hard to focus because my spots hurt and itch so bad. I googled this baking soda and vinegar idea and it said it worked but would be painful. I was up for anything at this point. I soaked in a baking soda bath for 30 minutes and then scrubbed this concoction aggressively on every spot. Some areas even bled. Which meant that I was missing my friends walk across that stage. Which brings me to my current state....emotional and crying. I miss my surgical tech friends. I remember the day I said I was not continuing. It was like I could breathe again. I dreaded going to clinical. My favorite part of the day was lunch. It was cool to see stuff but I did not want to be responsible to sterility. If I mess up peoples lives would be at stake. I don't want that kind of pressure. I don't regret quitting. I regret wasting time and not continuing at UNT like I was going to do in the first place. I was looking for a short cut and I found it. Now I am back to taking the long route. It just seems unfair but I know the path that I have picked. I feel selfish because each and every one of those people worked their butts off to be walking across stage. Blood, sweat, and tears LITERALLY went into them graduating tonight. I just wish I was walking with those individuals, but in my given career choice. When I felt those tears creeping up I immediately texted my girls. They knew exactly what to say to make everything right again in my little world. All the work I am doing is for something. I need to remember that. I need to keep my head up and keep working hard. I want to keep my eyes and heart open for opportunity....So I am breathing deep right now, praying, and appreciating my path.

Half marathon training OVER/New beginnings

Well it has been 5 weeks since I posted last...

3 weeks before my training was to end I quit doing my long mile days. I didn't want to take one more step. Training for a half marathon was the most time demanding thing I have ever done. The days that I was supposed to strength train I was super exhausted from the run the day before. I have never been the person to just get up and run 10 miles...Skip to...

Washington DC- The day I got there I cussed out a metro assistant. She was rude and was had no knowledge of how the metro system even worked. I immediately embarrassed myself, but I was so mad I was about to cry. We went to Georgetown to pick up my packet and I was pleasantly surprised to discover there was a huge wall that had all the runners names on it...I eagerly found mine. Seriously it's one of those moments you will never forget. My name was on a wall!! Everything went smooth at packet pickup and I absolutely did some shopping. Don't think for a second I didn't stop at sprinkles cupcakes! Afterwards we went to the hotel and ordered some pizza...WHAT?? We were sooo tired. Our view was amazing. We had the Washington monument and the Washington nationals stadium in our window. Second day we walked the .80 miles to the state capital and from there walked all the way to Arlington cemetery to see the changing of the guards. It was AMAZING. That night we went to a big fancy dinner and prepared to get up early. Saturday my family drove up from Philly. The treated us to a Nationals game (which I admit was fantastic) and Dinner. It was so phenomenal to see my family that I had not seen in 9 years. They were different but exactly the same. It made me realize how much I miss them and want them in my life on a regular basis....THEN....

RACE DAY. We got up super early to get on the Metro. When we got there it was overwhelming seeing all the runners and spectators. There was a good 20,000 people in one area. Ray was so supportive and kept saying how proud he was of me. It made me feel like I could do it. What was even more amazing was all the support I had from my friends. I dedicated each mile to someone special and those people were sure to cheer me on during the race. I even had a few friends use the tracking stuff to see where I was at so they could keep up with me. The race was rough. I had to pee twice which took 30-40 minutes. My hips started hurting and at about mile 7 I had to start stopping about every mile to stretch. It hurt less to run then walk. When I was getting close to the finish line I started to get emotional and the moment I saw ray I lost it. I knew I had done it. I crossed the finish line and received my tiffany necklace from a hunky man in a tuxedo. Ray got me a special finishers shirt which I was immediately in love with. Out of the hundreds of husbands in line...Ray was the first one. He must really love me. After the initial excitement the pain set in. It felt like someone had stabbed me in my spine and walked was excruciating. The rest of the trip was spent resting and we hit up Pain&Gain which I thought was awful.

Choosing to do that half marathon, training, and then accomplishing that goal is indescribable. I am filled with tears of happiness and although it was very hard..I would do it all over again in a heart beat.

When I got back my managers set up a surprise that..if you guessed made me cry you would be right!It was overwhelming to know that I had such an amazing support system and that people actually cared about an accomplishment that meant so much to me.


Some other accomplishments: I started selling advocare and within one pay period I became an advisor. I started the 24 day challenge and me and my group are crushing our goals. I started lifting...oh and I contracted poison oak. Every time my body gets hot everything itches like CRAZY so running and anything high intensity has been out of the question. I would not say contracting poison oak was an accomplishment but it has definitely been eventful.  Oh I cannot forget the sizzle and spice running team. I helped create a running team for chili's Decatur. Researched races, got stuff together, designed shirts, and got sign ups. It is something that is near and dear to my heart and I am so excited to be apart of it.

So now that everyone is caught up it is time to get back to Duck Dynasty :) Did I mention I saw willie at the nationals game!!