Rolling out of bed this morning I was itchy and upset. Who wants a rash all over their neck and back?? Its awful. My workouts have been nonexistent because when I get hot this stupid rash flares up and seems to spread. I started this 24 day challenge with a goal in mind and I am soooo mad that instead of going to the gym, I am staying sedentary. Its causing me to eat....and the foods that I am eating are not ideal for the challenge. I am disgusted and disappointed with myself. I have so many people looking to me for leadership and I cant even hold my sh*t together. When I pulled up to work this morning I saw my friends car. An immediate weight was lifted. I know that she will put a smile on my face with music, dancing, stupid humor, or talks of our venture into cinema. The shift was short lived and I was glad because my neck and chest itched like crazy. The Texas humidity is not helping either. On a positive note the team shirts were in and it put a little happiness into my heart to see them. Everything is coming together with the racing team. All the race coordinators have been contacted and I have been talking on the phone with them. They even want to meet us which I think is amazing. It was just a bright idea between two friends that turned into a way for people to be in a healthy, fun, and positive environment. Did I mention that people have started training and working out to get ready. Anyone who knows me knows that my heart is with my friends and family getting fit. Doing this makes me feel like I am important. On the way home for work it was hard to focus because my spots hurt and itch so bad. I googled this baking soda and vinegar idea and it said it worked but would be painful. I was up for anything at this point. I soaked in a baking soda bath for 30 minutes and then scrubbed this concoction aggressively on every spot. Some areas even bled. Which meant that I was missing my friends walk across that stage. Which brings me to my current state....emotional and crying. I miss my surgical tech friends. I remember the day I said I was not continuing. It was like I could breathe again. I dreaded going to clinical. My favorite part of the day was lunch. It was cool to see stuff but I did not want to be responsible to sterility. If I mess up peoples lives would be at stake. I don't want that kind of pressure. I don't regret quitting. I regret wasting time and not continuing at UNT like I was going to do in the first place. I was looking for a short cut and I found it. Now I am back to taking the long route. It just seems unfair but I know the path that I have picked. I feel selfish because each and every one of those people worked their butts off to be walking across stage. Blood, sweat, and tears LITERALLY went into them graduating tonight. I just wish I was walking with those individuals, but in my given career choice. When I felt those tears creeping up I immediately texted my girls. They knew exactly what to say to make everything right again in my little world. All the work I am doing is for something. I need to remember that. I need to keep my head up and keep working hard. I want to keep my eyes and heart open for opportunity....So I am breathing deep right now, praying, and appreciating my path.
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