So I did not weigh this morning. I tried to act like I forgot but we all know that I did not. I weighed Friday morning after sushi and mexican and I was at my lowest weight to date. However I had a family christmas this weekend and ate HORRIBLE. Actually horrible is probably an understatement.
I had started this plan called Jamie Eason 12 week trainer. I was super excited about it. Lifting weights 4 days a week was the easy part. The hard part was the clean eating and eating 6 times a day. I spent a whopping 170.00 on supplements, protein powder, and food. The food lasted me a whole 6 days. The sad thing was I LOVED it. I loved how it made me feel, how in control I was, I felt sexy and strong. I even noticed a spike in my sex drive. Minus the fact that work had been crazy bad and I was trying to reach my high money goal. I was stressed about christmas. I did not have the best christmas's as a child all though I like to think my parents really tried. I know I very seldom got things I really wanted and asked for so I decided that my kids would get the things they asked for and oh did they. My daughter K's list is complete minus the Dora kitchen because she all ready has a princess kitchen. E got a minnie mouse shopping cart which she absolutely loves (they opened a gift early at this weekends family christmas). K opened her princess scooter which she practically sleeps with. They also got a trampoline, E got a princess 6v ride on toy, and an aquadoodle. K got an Mermaid Salon with all the little add ons, skates with pads, and we got her a princess barbie house for her birthday. I just did not feel like that was enough for them to open. Seriously I have been thinking about this hardcore. Sitting here googling toysrus and target I realized that I wanted to do something that started new traditions, something that we could do together as a family that would encourage them to learn. So I am getting them mine and ray's favorite child hood books and movies. We have family nights and watch movies together so I bought lion King and am going to buy Kung fu panda 2 tomorrow. I would love to get beauty and the Beast as well. The books I am going to get are "If you give a mouse a cookie" and "The Very Hungry Catepillar" and whatever else pops up that reminds me of my childhood. Hopefully we can all sit down and read together.
Moving on to my diet and exercise. I ate really bad. I did not complete my 4 workouts. I am starting to train for a half marathon. I did eat great today considering what I have been eating. So I am just going to take this journey one day at a time for now...work harder every day to get my body where I want it.
Another tidbit of great news....E teeteed in the potty for the first time!! I was so proud. K is in the church drama and I got to see her play an angel which was double amazing!!
I am cherishing life right now.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Perspective
I watched a true story movie today about a family fighting to save their two year old from leukemia. They were at st. Jude's hospital. These kids had to deal with real life problems. They knew words that the shouldn't like remission, blood level counts, and experimental drugs. The one little girl in the movie touched my soul when she talked about heaven and knowing god. How brave of that child. I cried as I watched a mother lose her baby. The great part about this movie is it restores your faith in human beings. Strangers, neighbors, friends, and family came together to support this family. It also teachs to cherish every moment you have with your children, spouse, and other loved ones. It's easy to get caught up in life but you have to take time to enjoy the little things. I personally have let life start getting in my way of just enjoying myself. The little boys name was Dax and I believe the movie is called the heart of Christmas or something along those lines. Watch it If you get a chance. One thing I did enjoy this weekend is food, family, and getting to see my daughter in the church play. I was so proud of her in every step she took across stage. Emma just brightens my day with a simple smile and ray is the most amazing husband. He goes above and beyond for me. Enjoy you family while you can.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Running into an ex...
I HATE running into an ex. I have been very lucky. I dont live in the town that any of my ex's live in. Most of my break-ups have gone great and we have remained friends that eventually lost touch. Some will know who I am talking about and some wont. The most important ex's in my life I have ran into in the last year. F was one that I dated off and on through high school while I off and on dated B. When I moved to valley view we lost touch for a really long time until he showed up at a VV party that all of my friends were at. He asked about me and they forked over my number. We started hanging out again but he had a crazy ex girlfriend that you could tell he was not exactly over. I didnt have time for that so I left him alone. A few years later we found each other again on myspace. We started chatting. I was married. I had an awesome friend S though that I set him up with and now they are happily married. I was actually in the wedding but afterwards we lost touch again. I am not sure why. When I run into them I feel awkward. I don't know what to say not that there is anything really to say anyways.
Then there is T. I dated him when me and ray were split. I needed some fun in my life. He was older not looking for anything and that was perfect for me. I guess he is not technically and ex but he was my FWB for a while...we partied together, shared secrets, and he listened to me while I cried about my loved lost. He was exactly what I needed when I needed it. I ran into him a while back at a salon. He thought I worked there and asked about a massage. I turned around and realized that it was T...I just stood there and acted like I didn't know him. I did not know what to do. After I was done playing stupid I found out that he now has a beautiful girl and is married now. I am so glad that he is doing well.
Then there was a stupid night at applebees...I always run into my ex's at applebees when I have been drinking all day. Long story short I was drinking at Lucky lou's. Saw girls flirting with my husband and was taking shots left and right. I am a jealous person. Not because I don't trust my husband but because I dont trust girls. Woman in nature will do what ever it takes to get what they want. We lie, cheat, steal, whatever we need to do. It's like being a mother. If someone is mean to my baby...let's just say I would make their life intolerable. Back to the story I was supposed to make short...We decided drinks were cheaper at applebees and moved the party. I am sitting down laughing my ass off when I see B. Again I am extremely drunk and still play like I am stupid and never saw him...or like I forgot him if that would even be possible. He was my entire middle school and partial high school life...whenever someone happened with me and whoever I was with I ran to him...we would work for a little while but in the end it always ended badly for me. He was the guy that cheated on you on your birthday and forgot it was your birthday (that actually happened)...When I left the bar I was like "oh hey there. Nice seeing you." with this awkward hand shake hug kinda thing. He is happily married I think with kids. I have not really spoken to him since I wished him a happy marriage.
It's never hard for me and I have to admit that I do wonder from time to time what has happened to my ex's. When I see old pictures or smell a random smell, sometimes a movie makes me think of them. I wish them all nothing but the best. Hopefully next time I run into one of them I will not act like a DA.
Then there is T. I dated him when me and ray were split. I needed some fun in my life. He was older not looking for anything and that was perfect for me. I guess he is not technically and ex but he was my FWB for a while...we partied together, shared secrets, and he listened to me while I cried about my loved lost. He was exactly what I needed when I needed it. I ran into him a while back at a salon. He thought I worked there and asked about a massage. I turned around and realized that it was T...I just stood there and acted like I didn't know him. I did not know what to do. After I was done playing stupid I found out that he now has a beautiful girl and is married now. I am so glad that he is doing well.
Then there was a stupid night at applebees...I always run into my ex's at applebees when I have been drinking all day. Long story short I was drinking at Lucky lou's. Saw girls flirting with my husband and was taking shots left and right. I am a jealous person. Not because I don't trust my husband but because I dont trust girls. Woman in nature will do what ever it takes to get what they want. We lie, cheat, steal, whatever we need to do. It's like being a mother. If someone is mean to my baby...let's just say I would make their life intolerable. Back to the story I was supposed to make short...We decided drinks were cheaper at applebees and moved the party. I am sitting down laughing my ass off when I see B. Again I am extremely drunk and still play like I am stupid and never saw him...or like I forgot him if that would even be possible. He was my entire middle school and partial high school life...whenever someone happened with me and whoever I was with I ran to him...we would work for a little while but in the end it always ended badly for me. He was the guy that cheated on you on your birthday and forgot it was your birthday (that actually happened)...When I left the bar I was like "oh hey there. Nice seeing you." with this awkward hand shake hug kinda thing. He is happily married I think with kids. I have not really spoken to him since I wished him a happy marriage.
It's never hard for me and I have to admit that I do wonder from time to time what has happened to my ex's. When I see old pictures or smell a random smell, sometimes a movie makes me think of them. I wish them all nothing but the best. Hopefully next time I run into one of them I will not act like a DA.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
This will be a long one
So much going on in my mind and I just really need an outlet.
One of my greatest friends right now is going through something extremely terrible. A "boy" she put two years of her life into (who cheated and pushed her away) is now engaged to someone he has known for 6 months. The break up was really hard for her and this guy has balls enough to come into chili's and pick fights with her about her awesome new haircut. I was the same way only I was a teenager losing my high school love (which is my husband). I felt crushed from the inside out. I faked my way through conversations and acted like I was okay and moving on. I never moved on. I always had hope that one day we would be back together. When I saw him it crushed me. I would cry for days, binge drink and eat, escape away with my FWB...basically do anything unhealthy to numb the pain. Everything any guy had done to me before then had seemed meaningless. When she told me last night that she had found out he had gotten engaged I could not help but feel this guy should be hit by a BIG truck.
Of course before that I was throwing my own pity party because I had seriously lost all motivation for myself and had gotten completely stressed out about christmas. I know this time of year is coming EVERY single year and yet I never prepare. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to give and even more so to the ones that I love and care about. My mind out spends my budget though. Not to mention the people that are renting out house from what I gather have decided not to renew their lease and I am terrified that they are going to skip out on rent which makes me scared I will have to use our christmas money to pay the. I hate renting that house with a passion. I hate having to rely on strangers to do the right thing and pay rent. One day I know I will get screwed over. That is the nature of the renting beast. My kids asked for a few things for christmas this year and I want to make sure to get most of the things on the list. The list was 10 things. E is to young to make a list so K did..on there was
1. A trampoline
2. ariel salon with accesories
3. scooter with chalk
4. roller skates with pads
5.Princess Barbie house
6. Princess Dolls
7. Dress up
8. Makeup for her salon
9. Emma a 4 wheeler
10. Emma a shopping cart
we have gotten 2,8,9,10 and by black friday we will have gotten 1 and possibly the princess barbies. Some of these items will be saved for kylie's birthday which is just 2 weeks after christmas. SO MUCH STUFF AND NOT ENOUGH MONEY. So for the next 5 weeks we will be living on a strict budget so I can live debt free in January!
As for the working out...I lost faith and motivation in the process. I like to think I have a good support system at home but reality is...we all eat terrible and there are only two people in this house that have a high chance of workingout. I dont have a neighbor that says hey lets go for a run together. I wish my SIL was like that but she is really busy with her life and I get it. I can not rely on someone else to motivate me into doing the work. I have to want it. I forgot the whole reason I started this journey in the first place. It was for my kids. I wanted to be a good role model and show them that being active can always have positive results. I do not want them to ever have the weight issues I had growing up. So not that today is day one but I am choosing to step back from all the madness take a deep breath and start the day off right and positive.
So I am counting my calories. I took the girls on a mile walk...yes E and K walked an entire mile. I was so proud of them. Every bird chirping and leaf falling was pure bliss. We enjoyed the nature walk. This is what everyday should be like.
Well now that I am re-motivated, vented about my money/christmas issues, and vented over my distress for my friend I think I can live the rest of the day with a free mind.
Have a great day everyone!
One of my greatest friends right now is going through something extremely terrible. A "boy" she put two years of her life into (who cheated and pushed her away) is now engaged to someone he has known for 6 months. The break up was really hard for her and this guy has balls enough to come into chili's and pick fights with her about her awesome new haircut. I was the same way only I was a teenager losing my high school love (which is my husband). I felt crushed from the inside out. I faked my way through conversations and acted like I was okay and moving on. I never moved on. I always had hope that one day we would be back together. When I saw him it crushed me. I would cry for days, binge drink and eat, escape away with my FWB...basically do anything unhealthy to numb the pain. Everything any guy had done to me before then had seemed meaningless. When she told me last night that she had found out he had gotten engaged I could not help but feel this guy should be hit by a BIG truck.
Of course before that I was throwing my own pity party because I had seriously lost all motivation for myself and had gotten completely stressed out about christmas. I know this time of year is coming EVERY single year and yet I never prepare. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to give and even more so to the ones that I love and care about. My mind out spends my budget though. Not to mention the people that are renting out house from what I gather have decided not to renew their lease and I am terrified that they are going to skip out on rent which makes me scared I will have to use our christmas money to pay the. I hate renting that house with a passion. I hate having to rely on strangers to do the right thing and pay rent. One day I know I will get screwed over. That is the nature of the renting beast. My kids asked for a few things for christmas this year and I want to make sure to get most of the things on the list. The list was 10 things. E is to young to make a list so K did..on there was
1. A trampoline
2. ariel salon with accesories
3. scooter with chalk
4. roller skates with pads
5.Princess Barbie house
6. Princess Dolls
7. Dress up
8. Makeup for her salon
9. Emma a 4 wheeler
10. Emma a shopping cart
we have gotten 2,8,9,10 and by black friday we will have gotten 1 and possibly the princess barbies. Some of these items will be saved for kylie's birthday which is just 2 weeks after christmas. SO MUCH STUFF AND NOT ENOUGH MONEY. So for the next 5 weeks we will be living on a strict budget so I can live debt free in January!
As for the working out...I lost faith and motivation in the process. I like to think I have a good support system at home but reality is...we all eat terrible and there are only two people in this house that have a high chance of workingout. I dont have a neighbor that says hey lets go for a run together. I wish my SIL was like that but she is really busy with her life and I get it. I can not rely on someone else to motivate me into doing the work. I have to want it. I forgot the whole reason I started this journey in the first place. It was for my kids. I wanted to be a good role model and show them that being active can always have positive results. I do not want them to ever have the weight issues I had growing up. So not that today is day one but I am choosing to step back from all the madness take a deep breath and start the day off right and positive.
So I am counting my calories. I took the girls on a mile walk...yes E and K walked an entire mile. I was so proud of them. Every bird chirping and leaf falling was pure bliss. We enjoyed the nature walk. This is what everyday should be like.
Well now that I am re-motivated, vented about my money/christmas issues, and vented over my distress for my friend I think I can live the rest of the day with a free mind.
Have a great day everyone!
Monday, November 21, 2011
It will be a great day
Apparently that 7 days I went with out working out was much needed!!
My weight this morning is..149.6!!
I dont even remember the last time I was this weight so I am more then excited. I lost 1.6 pounds over the week. Only 4.6 to go!
My weight this morning is..149.6!!
I dont even remember the last time I was this weight so I am more then excited. I lost 1.6 pounds over the week. Only 4.6 to go!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Am I kidding myself
My fingers gently caress the wrinkles in my forehead as tears stream down my cheeks into my palms, down my wrists and forearms, into the crease of my elbow, making it's final resting place my jeans. I am not talking. I am still. Trying to keep my husband from Hearing my sobs I try to breathe. Why do I perform this act of self sabotage EVERY time?
Just days ago I proclaimed this weeks butt kicking. I felt strong. Then I made excuses. I was tired, I worked late, or I got busy. 4 days...that's how long it has been since my last sweat. I can't make time for a 12 minute mile but I can eat two servings of eminems?? What the hell. Reality is I am stressing over money.
I am at that stage where I can buy new cloths. I can treat myself to new shoes or workout cloths. I have earned them. But honestly....the money is not there. I had to dip into my pimp cup for car repairs. I was up to 126.00...enough for a new outfit and 4.00 away from my running shoes. I was discouraged. I acted okay but really I was discouraged. That goal cup is my motivation. Every quarter or dollar in that cup I earned. I do also put 10% of my daily earnings in there as a little extra christmas money but I know that money will be spent on fun. No regrets, no bills, no gas money. Just good feelings.
Tonight laying in bed feeling sorry for myself I decided 4 days was enough pity party for me. Out of the 126 that belongs in that jar I replaced 106. Tomorrow I will put the other 20 and the other money I will earn.
Here's to making tomorrow a success!
Just days ago I proclaimed this weeks butt kicking. I felt strong. Then I made excuses. I was tired, I worked late, or I got busy. 4 days...that's how long it has been since my last sweat. I can't make time for a 12 minute mile but I can eat two servings of eminems?? What the hell. Reality is I am stressing over money.
I am at that stage where I can buy new cloths. I can treat myself to new shoes or workout cloths. I have earned them. But honestly....the money is not there. I had to dip into my pimp cup for car repairs. I was up to 126.00...enough for a new outfit and 4.00 away from my running shoes. I was discouraged. I acted okay but really I was discouraged. That goal cup is my motivation. Every quarter or dollar in that cup I earned. I do also put 10% of my daily earnings in there as a little extra christmas money but I know that money will be spent on fun. No regrets, no bills, no gas money. Just good feelings.
Tonight laying in bed feeling sorry for myself I decided 4 days was enough pity party for me. Out of the 126 that belongs in that jar I replaced 106. Tomorrow I will put the other 20 and the other money I will earn.
Here's to making tomorrow a success!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Seriously
My blogger on my phone Messed up and i accidently deleted my previous post :/ sooo my weigh in was 151.2.... That is all
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